The One That Got Away.
This is dedicated to everyone who has that special someone they let go, and regrets it – the ones that got away. Hold on to your partners if you think you will regret it once they are gone. Do not take love for granted.
In life, there are certain people who leave an everlasting impression on you – the people who actually matter, who are there forever. These are the people that you never forget, no matter how far away they are.
There used to be a guy, who loved me like crazy. Literally. You know that type of love where you love everything about the other person, even the things you hate, you end up loving? You want to spend all the time you can with them. You can never get too much or get too bored.
He loved me like that.
I remember, he told me about the exact moment that he realised he really, truly loved me. It was a farewell dinner for a teacher and I had just arrived at the restaurant. He was standing outside when I opened the door of the car and stepped out. I wore a maroon skirt with gold embroidery and a beige top and carried a bouquet of flowers. “You looked so beautiful I dont have the words to describe it. And in that moment, my heart knew that it belonged to you”, he told me.
I wonder if he still remembers.
He would look at me, those eyes, full of pure love. But I was selfish. You know how girls fall for the “badass” guy instead of the good one? Yeah I was that girl too.
I broke him.
But that’s not even my biggest regret. What hurts the most is not having my friend around anymore. My best friend. Before everything, before all the drama, we were the bestest of friends. We literally did everything together and yet somehow never managed to run out of things to talk about or things to do. Sometimes, I still think of him, when I come across a great song or when I am having trouble with Math. There have even been moments when I have picked up my phone to text him when I remember that we don’t talk anymore.
We had dreams, to travel the world together.
He used to tell me, that when he becomes a big shot accountant and make loads of money, he would take me to all these beautiful places. “Breakfast in London, lunch in Paris and dinner in Venice” was what he used to say. Now that I am doing all that, I feel like there’s something missing. When I’m in the middle of a busy bazaar in Istanbul or on top of the London eye looking down on the city, there is this moment, a fraction of a second, where I remember him and wish that he were there.
We were supposed to do all this together.
Now he is like a sweet memory, one I can cherish forever. Someone who, no matter how many friends, boyfriends, husbands and even kids I will have, will always stay on the top of my list. He was someone who could make me forget how to breathe. Someone who could sit in a dark corner and light up the entire room for me.
Now, he is like that missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle. I could live a thousand lives and still never forget him. I could change it all; paint the picture in another colour. But every brush stroke and every shade of it remains in my heart, in a place so deep no one can ever touch.
He is someone who connected deeper, beneath everything else. No one has ever been able to do that again. We connected in a place where there was nothing but good music and just I and he. In his arms was a place where I could dance away all my worries, fears and doubts, a place where I could call home. And most of all, he could lift me up when the gravity of my life was too much for me to handle.
It still makes me smile to remember. (Boy, did he set the bar high for the guys to come!)
Trust me, you cannot replace a love like that. I tried. I tried so hard to find someone to fill in that void. But no one can love me like that. I attempted to hide my feelings for him for so many years. Lied to myself, lied to everyone else about it too. But now, I’ve just come to terms with it.
It isn’t meant to be.
I know I’m too late to be having regrets and thinking about what could have been. As John Green said ““It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean it doesn’t hurt now.”
I’m still waiting for it to pass.
I’m just writing this to try and find some peace of mind. Writing is my friend now, my therapy. Its not like I will have the courage to show this to him (or to anyone else – still debating with myself on whether to post this or not.) What good would that do anyway? They say there is a time for everything. Our time came and I let it slip. It’s easier to say that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Helps me sleep better at night.
I hope he’s happy, wherever he is, whomever he’s with. If anyone deserves to be loved, and to be happy, it is he.
So people, if you love someone, do not let them go, for “you will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you have to pay for the richness of loving”