I miss you. I wish you were here to listen to me, guide me and assure me that I can pull this through. You used to visit me in my dreams, but that stopped, too. Da, did you ever saw this coming? Because I remember you tried to tell me something but stopped yourself.. There were even years when you’d try to tell this in my dreams but everytime I awake, I couldn’t remember them.. And just as I replied in the dream, may be it just isn’t time.
That future is here. This may be what you warned me about. But I was headstrong, I always was the one out of your offspring who’d rush to things without thinking about the consequences. I was the one who always followed my heart. Da, I have your eyes, I have your volatile nature but I also have your creative spirit and sensuality. These 2 traits that I try so hard to push away.
Da, I know this is now my own battle.. You stopped seeing me because you knew I can now handle this. In a few hours I will get a validation for something that has plagued me, I really don’t know how to feel/what to feel? But I am no longer afraid. I am now ready to accept the consequences of my actions. Da, I know i’ll see you again. Maybe that is also the reason why I am not so afraid because I know someone is waiting for me, somewhere.
Thank you for being the only person who truly accepted me. Thank you for hugging me that night after everyone has left and denied me and themselves of the truth.
“Whatever happens you are still my daughter and I love you.”