I am posting here in hopes that you will see this (you probably never will)
First let me start by saying that I never meant to hurt you, and it tears my insides up that i did.
That said, I have some things that have been on my mind. Haunting me actually…
I tried as best as I could to be a “really good guy” lord knows I’m no angel, but i did try.
The way I see it though was like this:
The harder I tried, the less you loved me. You have become a willing victim of the dating hamster wheel. I use the word victim, because I don’t believe for one minute that you’re happy with your behavior. With all of the instant gratification of a million different different guys to choose from, it’s just too easy to give up, and move on to the next shiny object. Why should you have to try? After all, you’re the woman, and you SHOULD have your ass kissed. And why not???
It’s this attitude that totally pissed me off. All I wanted was for you to be my woman. I don’t think that was too “controlling” or too much to ask. It’s been this way since the beginning of time. So what’s a guy to do? Should I have just been some kind of jackass who should be seen and not heard? You obviously like to be politically correct, but I think you have your proportions out of whack. I’m a human being. A man who loved you, not a control freak, or some kind of monster. But I guess these are the lessons that life has taught you…
The worst of all though, is your major drinking problem. I never wanted to say too much about it for 2 reasons.
A) You were “just having a little fun” and although at first I thought it was cute, I quickly realized that when you’re wasted, you like to say nasty hurtful things. It’s totally embarrassing. You don’t even see how bad it actually is.
B) Given your family history, I know that deep down inside, you know how this ends. To me, I couldn’t bear to tell you that you are becoming the very person that you hate the most.
It’s always been the problem between you and me.
Given my circumstances, I had to run…
I love you. I always have, I always will, because I know that deep beneath what you’ve become is a good person who is scared and just needs help.
I hope you find it, and I hope you’re doing okay.
I’m still torn up over you… Maybe in some alternate universe things would have been perfect.