Over time I have grown to become extremely talented in faking confidence. I can’t even count the number of times in a day when someone tells me that I am the happiest person they know, or that I am so lucky to have so much confidence in myself. To be completely honest, I am so uncomfortable with who I am that it almost makes me physically ill. I have resorted to things that I never thought I’d do; I have hurt myself in many ways that have left physical, emotional and mental scars – and even with those things, nobody can see the hurt that I am inflicting on myself. I don’t expect anyone to fix me, I don’t want anyone to fix me because I know that ultimately this is a battle that I must conquer independently. I try to help myself, but I don’t really know how to become better. I want to be better. I want to have the confidence that everyone else sees in me. I don’t know how to wrap my head around the notion that I’m not terribly disgusting. One day I’ll be better, and I cannot wait for that day.