Dear best friend,
When I first met you I thought you were cute, but the same old jock type. Holy fuck did you prove me wrong. You had me by the end of the trip spilling out secrets and a bunch of deep shit, and I didn’t understand why I did it. I realize now that a part of it was that I had feelings for you. I have always assumed you weren’t interested. But last year you having a birthday for me triggered something, and our texting over the summer, and the smile that came to my face when I saw messages from you it all made too much sense. Then you said shit at x fest, whether you remember it or not. And the month of September I really saw you, I wanted you and i did nothing. It took me a lot of courage to tell you how I feel about you, and even then I was high because I am so nervous and don’t have the guts to say anything. I want to be able to talk to you face to face, and I hope I can do that now. All I want you to know is that what we have going on is seriously confusing. I love hanging out with you and being around you, and it seems you do too. However its giving me the wrong message. The ball is so in your court and you are doing god knows what and this back and forth is driving me crazy. There are really only a few options here and I don’t like any of them. First off I need you to man up and decide if we are just friends. If so, then I need some time apart from you because my heart is seriously aching over you which makes me feel so pathetic. When im with you im so comfortable, although im awkward… its only because I want to jump on you… but otherwise I could spend hours with you and lately I wish I had a reason to. Anyway the other option is for you to decide you want to take a chance, cause hey im pretty sure we want similar things. im not saying “lets be together forever” fuck that, but why the fuck cant we try it out. I know that I am more than capable of admitting something doesn’t work, and moving on and so are you. It will only ruin our friendship if we let it. Fuck im sure you have heard all this before. Apparently you are good at getting your friends to fall for you… this is seriously so fucking hard for me. However I want you to know that I get it, I understand that maybe you actually aren’t interested in me. If so I need you to say it. Say you don’t have feelings for me. Because you only ever said you don’t want to go down this road again.. and the way you look at me, and some aspects of our friendship say otherwise. So just tell me.
Your crazy fucking best friend.