By the time you read this, I’ll probably be on my way to somewhere you don’t need to know. Anyways. Thank you. Thank you so much for being my friends. Were you true friends? I’ll never know, but there were times that you would make me feel special. Words cannot express my gratitude. I shared my painful past with you and you were there for me. For a moment that is. You know why? You basically pushed me out. The moment both of you got into relationships, you two would just talk amongst yourselves about your relationships. You didn’t even tell me about them. I had to find out for myself. I sound so selfish, but I can’t help it. They’re my emotions. I’ve shut them out for so long, they’ve simply built up… I can barely control them. My depression is coming back. I come to school with a smile on my face that says that I have my shit together. But really, I felt like crying, I felt like slitting my wrists just like I used to, I felt like screaming, I felt… Alone. I would just sit at the corner of the classroom while you just chatted, and of course I couldn’t relate. I didn’t have a significant other. So how would I know? … I honestly thought about if I do find my significant other and you notice and ask me about it, I’ll just say, “sorry for not telling you.” Exactly what you said to me. How would it feel to have two of your closest friends keep something from you? And would you know how it feels to have two of your closest friends shut you out? And if you did know, how could you bare doing that to someone else? Unintentional you say? No. Impossible. That pain you felt should have made you aware. My depression has come back and I’m back on my medication. My wrists are full of scars and my bed sheets are tear stained. I feel so much pain right now. I can’t even talk to you two anymore. It’s too much. You didn’t even notice that something was wrong. You didn’t even notice my puffy eyes or the fact that I always had a sweater on. I feel… Selfish. I feel… Like I’m the one at fault for actually feeling that way… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for feeling this way. I’m sorry for not being a good friend, and I’m sorry for being selfish. You were just living your life and I was delaying it. I’m sorry I ever stepped into your lives. Goodbye. Forever maybe. There’s so much more that I want to say, but I’ve got to go. Thank you once more… For making me feel loved. Even for just a short while.
– a lost star