• I think I might hold back…

    by  • November 27, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    You see,

    Every time I go to really give myself to someone – fully throw myself in the relationship and commit – I get hurt.

    At this point in time, babe, I don’t feel safe with you – I don’t feel safe enough to leave my heart with you like that.

    I told you that I wanted to wait till marriage to make love (that God wanted us to wait), and I gave the goods up to you anyway. Now God is calling me back to Him, and so we have to stop for a time…
    You said you were fine with it… I know it’s hard for you. It’s hard for me too.
    But now you’re acting funny.

    Everyday we thank God for 3 things in our life…
    We’ve been in a long-distance relationship, I’ll be seeing you in two days, and you have NOTHING to be thankful for? Really?
    You’re not thankful that you’re going to see me? Why, because we’re not having sex until marriage (and we’re planning to be married very soon anyway)? Instead of trying to be positive with me, and think that we can develop our relationship deeper in other ways, you act like this?
    You have no idea how hurt I feel…

    I told you from the get-go that I wanted to wait, and you said you’d wait with me. I gave it up, but now we have to wait again… And you act like this?

    You’re singing love songs, and then saying you have nothing to be thankful for… I don’t know. I feel you’re sending me mixed signals. Even when I told you that I was pissed off that you were thankful for nothing, not even seeing me in a couple of days, you didn’t really acknowledge it.
    Therefore, I am going to hold back from you.
    I am going to drift backwards.

    It’s quite funny. Last night, I was writing a letter that I was going to give to you with your gifts – a letter about how much I love you and how I’m going to give myself to you, not hold back and such. And then today, look at that…
    The time that I’m ready to stop being insecure and fully trust, is the time that I feel you’re sending mixed signals and acting funny.
    … This always happens to me.
    I’m tired of it.

    I’ve already bought my ticket and paid for the hotel, so I am going back to Jamaica. I already bought you your gifts (that I’m sure you have no idea about), so I’m going to give them to you.
    But at this point, I’m not sure if I should still trust you with my heart…

    You say you love me, you’d die for me, etc. But honestly, I’m doubting your love now.

    Maybe you shouldn’t take those days off…
    Maybe we shouldn’t go see the venue…
    Maybe we shouldn’t get married after all.

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