I keep thinking about you. It is driving me insane. It goes against my very nature. I am driven by a desire to stay away from you, but I am drawn back.
I am emboldened by that very desire. Curious to know what it is about you that I have to, that I MUST avoid.
I have traveled this road before. You are emotionally unavailable. And that appeals to me. You are also searching for something that no one else can give you. This I know too. And because of my nature, that is something I can give you. And you will love me for it. Flat out, head over heels in love with me for it. But it is all an illusion. I just mirror back to you your deepest, darkest fantasies and give them to you. I drag you down to the depths of hell and then I show you approval, that I still love and care for you. I do not judge you. I grant you solace and care, and in return you love me.
I would love nothing more than to take this journey with you, but my biological clock is ticking. My need for a consistent partner is growing. You cannot fulfill either role.
Time. We are only given finite time. I want to take this journey with you so badly, but I am in a hurry. I am in a hurry to get on with the rest of my life and to be with someone who really loves ME as opposed to a mirrored back reflection of themselves.
Oh, the darkness calls. It really does. I want you so badly, and I will make you mine. Just please, please hurry up. My life is waiting.
Even as I write this, it sounds so asinine. I am waiting for what? Something that may never happen with someone that can never give me what I want? All because of some sense grandeur, some dream that I can become yours. Ha! You don’t even want me like that! In reality, the truth is that it is I who wants a piece of you. A collection of fragments that make up the most guarded part of your soul, so raw and painfully naked, something so pure and beautifully untouched.
I collect pieces of people’s souls, their confessions, their stories, private things, secret things. And I guard them with my life. It makes me feel like a worthwhile person to be entrusted with such sensitive information.
That is how I feed, how I get my energy.
I can feel you thinking of me. Fuck. I really wish I had the strength to walk away.