Dear friends and family,
I have to get this off my chest, as the anger I feel is really brewing up I side me, and I am frightened what I might do/say. Resentment is a nasty emotion!!
My dear, dear friends where the fuck are you when I need you most?? When my husband got diagnosed, you have all said yo me, if you need anything, or want to talk just call…we will be here for you.
I have been calling and trying to reach out to you since they signed me off sick 4 weeks ago, and where are you my two best friends? One isn’t prepared to come and see me, and suggests that I should be seeing a counsellor rather than talking to him, SOME FRIEND YOU ARE!! And the other seems to have a million excuses as to why she can’t see me. Whilst other friends, just don’t give a shit! Why say you will support me, and don’t fucking step in when I ask to help me, why fucking bother wasting your breath? I would NEVER treat anyone, like the way you are treating me… You are all fucking selfish wankers, and I am starting to hate you all very much. I Need your love and support now, not when you are feeling charitable!!
Mom, I love you very much, but I can’t talk to you. Because you don’t honestly understand the situation, it’s complicated. Mom, my husband isn’t going to get better, we have to watch him die a little bit at a time as the cancer takes hold.. All the operations he has had to date are only to give him a little more time, they aren’t curative!! Mom I wished I could be as optimistic as you but I’m sorry I can’t, he has been through so much, and he has been so brave.
Mom and dad in law, I know you love your son very much, but please remember I’m his wife, please stop treating me as an outsider!! It really breaks my heart to think that you think so little of me, that you have no time, to allow me to talk to you and tell you how I feel, and that you are the only ones that can experience the pain and heartbreak. Believe me this situation is very hard, when you have absolutely no one, to talk to. Since your sons diagnosis there isn’t a day that doesn’t go by where I don’t cry. Please remember I am the one that will be alone when the inevitable happens not you, at least you have each other. I am also so tired, of everything. My head hurts too!! I feel constantly angry! And I have lost faith in all human beings, because we are horrible spitefull creatures!! And I feel like I am on the recieving end of this spite from you. I am trying to work full time, trying to keep a level head and carry on, with no sleep, no love, and no support.
To all of the above people, the only living creatures that really love me unconditionally, is my brave gallant husband and my dog. And I loved them both very much, and I will do anything to protect them.
As for all of the people, that I have wasted my time on, I am saying to you all fuck off!! My husband, dog and my mom are all that matter..no one else!!