I am writing this letter to let you know, that you have destroyed my life.
You were ‘once’ a man who used drugs, but your poisons have passed onto Teresa, and she will never be the same woman she was before she met you.
You have completely turned her into a woman of destruction; she is no longer looked at by me as a ‘mother’, she is now just ‘a-strange-relapsing-mess in my home’ and that is because you have gotten her into drugs.
My feelings are nothing to anyone anymore.
I mean, I cant blame then when all of my feelings are negative.
When you left and I got the truth on why you has the parking lot incident, I felt like I wanted to kill you. I felt like I wanted to bust your fucking nose in because of what you did to my mother, I was so pissed dude words cant even explain how mad I was.
Progressively my feelings lessened, they became my imagination, I soon just wanted to let you know what you have done to me, and how I feel now and what I have to live with because of a fuck up you did.
Let us start.
I have diagnosed myself with depression, for a fact you know I have severe anxiety issues and you ran it up the wall.
I am never happy anymore, that sound so corny, its not that i’m never happy anymore, its that I have to constantly worry if my mother is going to shoot up today, I have to constantly worry if she is going to buy 2 bottles of vodka and slam them during the night. My life is worries that I cant fathom into actions, really. I cant do anything about my worries.
I have decided I do not want to live with Teresa anymore. I used to be so close to her, but if you consider broken glass a relationship, than we are very close. I have lost respect for her, I have lost trust for her because of what you condoned and made her do. I want to live with Sammie, because it seems that she is the only person who gives a shit about me and how I feel.
I want to start over, I want to begin again, I wish I could go back in time and tell Teresa that you are probably some prick head who would get her fucked up on vicodin and heroin.
I have lost most of my friends due to this as well, there came a time (Teresa went to rehab for 1 week as well) when I was living with Sammie where I was physically unable to focus on anything but my life; I ignored everyone and wondered what I did wrong. I ignored schoolwork to wonder what I did wrong.
I have literally planned my future already, I am leaving here for Europe and I will go to university and see what happens then I guess.
Planning my future seemed to be better for me, it made me happy that I now understand that I don’t have to be like you or Teresa, and that I can start over without actually starting over.
That is another thing. Starting over seems most important to me currently, my childhood never happened. David used to beat Teresa and call me names, Teresa had an alcohol problem, and now its Michael turned Teresa into a die-hard tweaker. Therefore, I have decided that when I am 16 or 17 (hopefully 16) I will get a job, enough to buy a plane ticket, and I will leave this horrid place of negativity for the place where I feel I belong, and I will start over.
Some say a bad first life leads to a dream fulfilled second life, and I hope that is true.
Michael, you have taken so much from me, so much that I cant get any of it back; My mother, my happiness, my dignity, my social life. So much, but not everything, because I still have little hope that I will one day get to be happy, and I will get to be alone in my dream land.
Tears fall as I write this, I get so many memories of the lonely days I had, the days where I was alone and was to be the adult, and the nights of sorrow that filled into me, sometimes I would cry thinking about my future, and honestly, I remember how I felt when you told me you wanted to marry Teresa.
I felt like if it were to happen, and I couldn’t run away, I would choose to just evaporate into the heavens, and be remembered by a headstone, but thank someone you were caught, because sooner or later, a young soul would have been wasted.
One day you will see this, you probably wont though which wont really surprise me, but if you do, I want you to read every letter I send you, so you understand the pain of a teenager.
But I will warn you, after your 2 years, if you dare step one foot near the home, I will not hesitate to beat you the way you beat my feelings.