It hasn’t really hit me yet, not completely. My brain knows you are leaving, but my heart still yearns for you. Just a kiss, a touch, something to show that you still care for me, that there is something left for me in your heart.
I see everything in my house that reminds me of you… and how it will be gone. How I will spend my nights alone in our bed, my heart aching to have you next to me again.
I know people change, and you have changed, your feelings have changed. I promised forever and meant it… but for you, that promise did not hold up. We thought we were soul mates, but you have decided that you were wrong about me.
Nothing hurts as much as this. Nothing hurts the way you have hurt me. Yet I still love you even though you are the one who has hurt me. Logically, I should hate you for walking out, but I choose not to, because of what we had.
I will be okay, our daughter will be okay, eventually. It just takes time. I know you can’t understand what is happening to my heart, to our family. I feel like I can’t cry enough to soothe the ache in my chest, the pain in my soul.
When they say this loss is like experiencing the death of a loved one, they have it close enough. But with death, you accept that they are gone, and can’t come back. With the death of a relationship. the griever holds on to the hope that you will come back, only to be let down and hurt, over and over. Seeing, talking, hearing about you just brings back the pain anew.
I still smell your scent, I still feel you holding me, and I still hear your laugh. They are ghosts of things I will never experience again. I want to ask you, “Please don’t break my heart like this.” I know it is futile. No one is ever happy to be forced into something they don’t want, and I wouldn’t be happy if that happened to you.
I sincerely wish for you to be happy. If only it was with me.
I will love you and miss you, always.