• Just thinking out loud- Looking for feedback

    by  • November 26, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Advice • 10 Comments

    I’m so confused about everything. I know that when I met “Carl” I was still stuck on “John” and I wasn’t looking for anything. Even though I was having a great time with Carl for several months when ever John wanted to hook up, we did. I wanted things between me and John to workout. Even though I know they never will. He always makes it clear he isn’t interested in anything more than just sex. I then decided to end things for good with John and focus on me.

    During this time I also distanced myself from Carl and now months later we still hangout and I continue to get mixed signals from him. He calls and keeps in touch but when we go out in large groups he ditches me and flirts with other women. Then he still calls and wants to act like everything is okay. Well, I realized Carl and me aren’t compatible and since I was hurt, I hooked up with John again. Which made my confusion even bigger.

    I can’t stay quiet and pretend things are fine between me and Carl. I feel used and hurt. I don’t want Carl to call me or text me. He is so oblivious to my feelings or how his actions make me feel. I need space to think. I’m starting to have feelings for him and I’m afraid they aren’t mutual. How do I tell him without coming off as crazy that I need him to leave me alone. I need him to be honest with me.

    As for John, I’m not sure I want to continue to hook up with him because sex is okay but never great. If I do continue I will put distance between us so I don’t get attached to him again.

    I need some advice. Please no judgmental comments just looking for some honest feedback. Maybe the best thing to do is ditch both and find someone new. But dating is hard. All I really want is a good person who can give me companionship and emotional intimacy. A little physical love doesn’t hurt either. I just need to protect my heart. I care about people too easily.

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    10 Responses to Just thinking out loud- Looking for feedback

    1. superficial feedback
      November 26, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      You love John and are afraid of him. Carl loves you and is afraid of you.




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    2. less superficial and less concrete
      November 26, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      It’s really hard to give an answer to this. I would recommend to close your eyes, think of nothing, feel… What happens? What do you feel? Try to listen to yourself. Repeat.




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    3. Tricia
      November 26, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      Id choose Carl. Sounds like hes more of a man then “john.”




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    4. Bell
      November 26, 2014 at 4:20 pm

      She who wants everything, loses everything. It’s called greed. My grandmother used to say.




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    5. Author
      November 26, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      @ superficial feedback- that’s an interesting point. Maybe you are right. I wouldn’t go as far as calling it love yet but you might be on to something. Unrequited love- story of my life.

      @ less superficial and less concrete- thanks, that’s the problem. My mind always betrays me and I’m thinking all these crazy things. I don’t really know what I feel anymore. I hate the vulnerability that comes with emotions that I usually keep them bottled up until I can’t take it anymore. Then I get super emotional and irrational. I guess alcohol does help either.




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    6. Author
      November 26, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      @ Tricia, I agree Carl is more of a man most of the time. He is older and a little more mature but still very confusing. John is younger and definitely has more of a carefree mentality.

      @ Bell, thanks for your comment. I don’t necessarily think I’m being greedy but I will keep your grandmother’s saying in mind. Neither of these men had the courage to talk about seriously dating. I’m simply getting to know multiple people. I may have made a mistake in my actions but that’s why I’m trying to think about what I’m going to do next. If you are right about losing everything, it wouldn’t be any different than right now. I’m not really dating either of these men. So in hindsight, I might be responsible for everything since I haven’t demanded respect from either of these two men.




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    7. less superficial and less concrete
      November 27, 2014 at 2:46 am

      Maybe you should start there. Try to find yourself, relax.




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    8. jp
      November 27, 2014 at 8:00 am

      Hi, author. As you say that at the mo. you are just getting to know lots of people, I think a good way forward is just to try to live in the moment and not focus on any man’s long-term potential. And as soon as what you are doing/who you are seeing stops being enjoyable and starts causing you pain/anxiety – then walk away. I think if you can live like this you will be more true to yourself and more likely to meet someone who loves you for you. Good luck anyway.




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    9. Author
      November 27, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Thanks everyone for the support. It’s nice to express my feelings in a safe way. It’s hard to have these discussions with others without being judged.

      @less superficial and less concrete- you are right, I need to focus on me.

      @JP- thank you for the advice! I definitely need to live in the moment and not worry if someone else fits in well into my future plans. I will need to be honest with myself and walk away from both since neither of them are making me happy.




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    10. Author
      November 27, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Correction- I’m no longer enjoying their company because happiness is an inside job! My happiness should only depend on me.




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