I don’t think you understand how much you still affect my life. Maybe not as much as say, 6 months ago, But you still dominate my emotional well being on a daily basis. This is slowly destroying me, my sanity, my will to keep fighting. I’m sure you can appreciate that. I’ve always been a bit unstable.
What has to happen before you jump in to be with me? How far do I have to fall. The fucked up thing is I know I could tell you I love you and how much you mean to me everyday for the rest of my life and you will never do anything. I know that because I spent YEARS consistently doing everything I could to spend time with you and make you happy. And in all that time, the only instances you ever told me how you felt (kinda) is when you thought you were losing me for good. How do I not understand that as anything other than you take me for granted and enjoy controlling me? Do you have an answer for that?
Why do I have to ignore/leave you for you to open up, for you to say nice things to me, for you to ‘tell me’ you love me? (And no I don’t feel loved by you) Do you understand what you’re driving me to?
Or are you just going to get angry again because I’m suggesting you’re not perfect.
I love you. There. Now you can continue watching me wither.