I feel so alone.
I envy the people who can post facebook statuses saying things like that. I’m not that open. I’m surrounded by friends, but I always feel like an outsider.
My lifelong best friends stuck around in this town after high school. I moved away for college, and they moved on to other friends, new lives without me. My close college friends are all from senior year, but they all bonded to each other as freshman. I’m an add-on. They all like me, but I’m not top tier in anyone’s group. I’m not necessary to any of them. Sure, I’ll get invited to the party, but I hear them sometimes talking about saving up money for these fantastic birthday gifts for each other, planning surprise parties, etc. It’s so sweet, and it kills me, because I know there’s no one who would do that for me. What makes me so unworthy of effort? A friend of mine once was in a similar situation, and she summed it up perfectly. “There’s not a single person here who would choose me over everyone else”. At the time, I told her “I would”. Now I need someone to tell that to me, but I’m too scared to ask.
Thanks for listening.