• Things are not fine

    by  • November 18, 2014 • Cheating • 6 Comments

    You know it’s true, I know it’s true.

    Seriously, you married me. We’re best friends.

    I know you hate talking about it but we really need to.

    Lie to our friends and family but please don’t lie to me.

    He’s not interested. He’s NOT INTERESTED. What you would expect to happen won’t. Don’t believe me? Then let’s go to him and have the big talk that we all think about having.

    Seriously, he’s not. He and I talked about this. He doesn’t want to offend you or I, but the attraction just isn’t fucking mutual.

    Please let’s talk about it. Please don’t lie.

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    6 Responses to Things are not fine

    1. MK
      November 20, 2014 at 8:07 pm

      I feel like this is about me, and it really bothers me. If this is about me, let me just say this… I FUCKING KNOW. I know he doesn’t want me, I realized this a long fucking time ago, get over it. I have feelings for him, that will not go away any fucking time soon, and I cannot help it, I’ve tried. You need to get this through your thick skull; nothing has changed in the past few months. You seem to ask this every other day or so, “So, how are you feeling now?” and the answer is always the same, “nothing has changed.” Because. it. hasn’t.

      I wish I had never told you about this, because you nag about it so much. You make me regret being honest. The reason I don’t want to talk about it is because nothing has changed. Why do you have to keep dragging this out in the mud and making me feel like shit about it? IF he had felt the same way, but still not wanted to be with me because he didn’t want to hurt you or something like that, I could live with that and be okay. But this shit fucking HURTS, so yeah, I don’t really want to talk about it, ever. Period.

      Also, this situation has hurt you, I know, and thus, it makes it very prominent in your mind, so while I am trying to forget about it and move on, you just want to keep bringing it back up, which does not help me move on at all. Plus, I don’t want to talk about all of this because I don’t really know where I stand, I don’t truly know what I want at this point in my life, and that makes it very difficult to talk about. Yes, I know how shitty that makes me sound, but I AM being honest here.

      So, yes, this situation sucks, but I still feel like I handled it the best possible way that I could. Yes, I am a married woman, and yes, I did develop feelings for someone else. But not only did I not even ATTEMPT to make a move of any sort on this person, I also told you, my husband, of these feelings (although it did take me a while to tell you because I was nervous of how you’d react and also because I was steadfastly trying to make those feelings go away). I cannot force my heart to feel one way or another, but I am doing the best with what I’ve got. Please stop making me feel like shit about this, I want to move on, but you aren’t letting me.

      In conclusion, I’m addicted to cocaine, or at least, the apparent human version of it. I feel like cocaine and I could work very well together and cocaine and I seem to be very similar, and I want to sink into an entire fucking bathtub full of cocaine and never come back up for air… But I know cocaine is bad for me, and I’m trying not to be infatuated with it, but it’s REALLY fucking hard when you keep waving baggies of it in my face.




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    2. reader
      November 21, 2014 at 4:03 am

      I can imagine that it is a horrible situation for you and you just want her back, but you can’t force her to love you the way you deserve it. You want her to lie to you? To stay with you anyways? Is that really enough for you? I would suggest to leave her alone and let her find out what she really wants. It’s hard, but you should accept that you can’t do anything in this situation.




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    3. @MK
      November 21, 2014 at 6:47 am

      Listen, MK. I appreciate you getting back to me on this and thank for your honesty. The only reason I ask so much is because it is a constant struggle for both of us. It’s hard knowing a problem is there and being completely in the dark about what’s going on. It’s very hard.

      If you are ready to move on, truly. If you are ready to be done with your cocaine. We need to get him out of our lives. I don’t say this with a cold heart. The guy is my best friend. However, I made a lifetime commitment to you and not to anyone else. Tell me you are ready to be done with him and I will do my part for a separation.

      I don’t know if I’m happy that you are going to read this to be honest.

      I love you, MK.




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    4. MK
      November 21, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      Well, I don’t think that is the right move either. Before all of this started, we were both friends with him. I would like to go back to that. Just stop reminding me of all that has happened, and maybe it can work.




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    5. @MK
      November 21, 2014 at 6:41 pm

      You know I would love that. But you call him your cocaine. It’s not like druggies and cocaine can just chill in the same room. Honestly. I would love for it to be public to our friends and family that you love us both and that you just picked and stuck with me. I would be totally ok with that. If I had some certainty that I was the final decision then I wouldn’t have problems even joking about thewhole thing to him and you.




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    6. MK
      November 22, 2014 at 4:54 pm

      I don’t want anyone else to know about it, it’s embarrassing for me. I want it to be over and done with, I want things to be like they used to be. And the mark of someone who is truly over their addiction is to be around whatever it is and still not give in.




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