• Not Sorry it’s Over

    by  • November 18, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up • 0 Comments

    There’s so much I would like to tell you, yet I can’t find the words. My hands tremble at the fact that the words I write, you’ll soon be reading. The only form of contact we’ve had in months. There’s so much pressure to not mess this up that I’m scared to even start. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what you want to hear, or if you even want to listen. I only know that I miss you. I miss having you in my life. I miss the nights where we’d just look into each other’s eyes and smile. I miss the feeling of being complete with you. I miss your silly jokes, even when you picked on me. I even miss your ridiculous passion for cars that I found so annoying back then. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I was so confused then, that I lied about us not having chemistry anymore. I just said that so that you would grow to hate me, so this could somehow be easier. And maybe it is, for you. But it hurts for me, because you’ve completely blocked me from your life. I thought our time together was precious, and that you would still want to be friends with me even if we broke up. I guess I was wrong.
    I’m not sorry that it’s over. I think it’s the best thing for both of us at this point in our lives. I can’t do the long distance thing. I can’t wonder what you’re doing, or who you’re with, or if you miss me as much as I do. I can’t let you go through that either. You deserve more. I don’t want you to think we broke up because of someone else. There’s no one else. We broke up because we’re in different places, both mentally and physically. I know in my heart that if you were up here, or if I was down there with you, we’d still be together. Granted we’d be fighting, like always, but we’d make up somehow.
    It’s funny how looking back, the fights seem ridiculous and unnecessary. We could have avoided so many of them if we learned to swallow our pride once in a while. I’m so sorry for causing you so much pain. You deserve so much more than what I can give you. My chest burns whenever I think of all of the times that I made you angry, or sad. I’m so sorry, Luis. I’m so very sorry. Words can’t describe my remorse.
    I don’t expect you to forgive me, or to accept me back into your life. Maybe it’s for the best if you don’t, who knows? I just wanted you to know that I still think about you; that I still care about you; that there’s always going to be a part of me that loves you, because the love we shared was innocent, and passionate, and beautiful. I will never have that love with anyone else. You’re forever sketched in my memories and my heart, even if you choose to toss me away. Don’t feel guilty, or sad that it’s over. You were perfect. Absolutely perfect. It’s this distance that I can’t handle, and you knew that before I left. I’m sorry for giving you false hope near the end. I wanted so badly for us to work, but I couldn’t change how I feel about this.
    I love you. Always.

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