• i fucked up

    by  • November 18, 2014 • Lost Love • 0 Comments

    Can I be honest for a sec? Every time you log in I want to talk to you, but I’m too much of a coward to do It
    A little bit ‘cause I’m afraid of falling In love with you again since last time I got crushed Into thousands of littler pieces, but mostly because I know things will never be the same and I’m afraid of messing things up
    I want to go back to the times when we’d sit on the trampoline and you’d tell me that dumb story about your friend hitting his balls on the metal bit and you’d offer him a mountain dew
    Well maybe not, you did tell it like five times
    I almost know it by heart
    I guess It’s also hard to talk to the guy that I used as my personal dumping ground of emotions
    I doubt I want to know what you think of me after that
    I regret ever spilling anything, but I can’t take that back so oopsie daisy
    All I can do is thank you for that
    For every last sentence you took from me and rebounded it with care and attention
    You made me feel special and loved
    I wanted to make you feel that
    I tried, but apparently not enough

    I’ll never be able to send you this, but also a little bit from the fact that It’s too little too late
    I never told you I loved you
    I’ve realized recently that everything that didn’t happen was my own goddamn fault, and that playing Frogger Is no way to go about what I feel
    I can’t take back any of the times that I was too much of a chicken to tell you how much I really wanted to be by your side, but I can accept the consequences and apologize
    I’m done demonizing you and I’m done avoiding you
    I can’t win for losing either way and I’m at a stalemate so I guess the only thing I can do at this point Is be honest
    I’ve never been entirely honest with how I feel about you ever
    That week you spent with us before we moved from NC was the best week of my life, even though I never got over feeling like It was all my fault you and her broke up that first time
    I see now you two are meant to be together, and like I said then no matter who you’re with I’ll always be happy for you even If It hurts
    That’s what friends are for though, right? Wow, I am a nerd.

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