• Lonely This Christmas

    by  • November 17, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 4 Comments

    Without you to hold. I will inevitably be surrounded, even by people i love, but it is not enough without you.
    I wish i could change things so much around this time of year, if only you were still in my life, sure you wouldn’t be mine to hold any more then than you are now, but you would be there.
    Look at the angel atop the tree and think of my one true angel so far from me.
    Near in distance, far in heart, destined now to always be apart.
    Loved by me for all of time, forgotten by you and you don’t mind.
    Tears kept in, can’t let them fall, but you will always be my all.

    As i think of you i wish i could get you a little christmas gift. And if anyone could get me one, it would be to be back in your life again.
    Santa..if you’re listening, and i have been good too.
    Dreams don’t realise ever though do they, we live with it. Best i get used to it, after all i have every day of my life still to miss you and wish you were here, and for so many days i have, just because it is christmas and i wish i had the imaginary world curled up in front of the fire holding you to me and saying i love you. Well it is a figment of a false reality. So wake up, stop dwelling on impossibles and move on.
    What? You can’t, well then suffer a little broken heartedness every day then and never be happy. That can be your punishment for thinking that because you love them, take a chance.
    No never be honest, never try, just suppress it all, unless the object of your love happens to categorically state their feelings and they match yours.
    I am like a watcher at the window when i hear about you, i can see, hear, imagine even what it is like. But i’ll never be invited back in, once put out, the window is as close as ever i’ll get again.

    Merry Xmas angel, i hope it is wonderful for you

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    4 Responses to Lonely This Christmas

    1. This is
      November 17, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      so beautiful. Too bad you can’t be with them 🙁


    2. @Author
      November 29, 2014 at 3:06 am

      How could someone turn you down?


    3. @Author
      January 1, 2015 at 5:27 am

      This is can example of some mighty fine writing. Maybe the finest! I wish it was to me from my person. How could anyone turn this down? Must be something more to the story….I recommend you write more about this story. Maybe your person has or will read it. Let us know what happens….my blinds are open andy window is unlocked lol. But you can use the door…


    4. Author
      January 1, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      The sad thing is i am in a situation where it would hurt someone badly if i told the story here and they ever found it, i wish i could spill it all, i want to open myself up to others judgements, see if i was wrong, i have always been a good person and i did try so hard.

      All i can say is, i told someone i love them, they rejected me. We had been friends. Then we weren’t. And it hurt a lot, i come here often because i have tried to forget, told myself i was obsessing, but when you wake up and feel sad because they are not the one beside you, then you can’t stop that thought, when during a hard day, you wish you would be seeing them because their smile makes all things pale into insignificance, you can’t halt that desire.
      At night i go to bed and i don’t think sexually, rather i wish i could pull them close and say goodnight sweetheart, i love you.
      I had heard a few bits of bad news about them and so much wanted to run to them and say don’t be sad, i am here, i will be your rock whether you are right or wrong, i’ll stand by you. But of course i couldn’t.
      It is sad for me, because i can’t change how i look, and now, i think more than just looks affect their view of me.
      But despite anything, if the called me and said, tonight i am scared, stand outside my house and watch out for me, i would, even as the rain lashed me all night, and if i had to walk away when daylight came and never see them again, i would do it, just to make them feel safe and secure.
      If they came and said, i need a lung or a kidney, i would lay myself on the table without question.
      If they were to become disabled, i would carry them daily to the loo wipe their backside and feed and dress them, and just be glad i was able to do something for them.

      It is sad that we have within us this capacity for this sort of love, i have known love, i do know it, but there is a separation of type and strength and with this person it was like i had found everything
      It all clicked, everything about them lit my heart and soul up
      I dount she will ever come here, she isn’t the sort to even know it exists.
      But if she did and could realise i am the one she rejected for loving her and telling her so, well all i can say is, you own my heart, and i would be happy just to be a presence in your life again.
      I would do anything anytime, anywhere for you.
      Not as a grovelling sap, you knwo me, i would be as i was but just as i was before i told you, yet, as i am now too, ready and willing to lay down my life to give you just one more moment of life instead.

      Thanks for your comments those who have, it helps to share my feelings, which is why i come, and one day, i will reveal the whole story.



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