• The biggest regret of my short 18 years.

    by  • November 16, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Regret • 0 Comments

    The biggest regret of my short 18 years is that I took so long to realise and that I never told you. I can’t tell you this now because I know how hard things are for you and you’ve finally found something. Your finally releasing what you want out of life and going after it and there’s no way I could complicate things or mess things up for you. I love you to much to do that.

    You’re my best friend.
    You understand what I’ve been through, sometimes more then I do myself. I tell you things that I’m to scared to tell anyone else. You know when I’m upset no matter how hard I try to hide it and I know the same with you. When ever I’m scared you have absolute faith in me and even though you grossly underestimate your self I know you are capable of anything and everything.

    But now that I’m leaving, I’m scared I’ve lost you, and more painfully, I’m torn by what I missed out on.

    I used to laugh when people said we were perfect for each other and then I felt incredibly awkward when I found out you had feelings for me. But that faded and our friendship grew more. Over the last year the idea that I might have feelings for you swelled a few times. I always suppressed it. It was like the timing never quite worked with us. You would have feelings for me just as I started dating someone and then I would have feelings for you just as your family situation got particularly messy. It never fitted and you know I over think things. I would worry about what would happen if I told you, over-thinking instead of trusting my instinct.

    Only in the last month have I really become to realise what I’ve missed out on. All this time I’ve wasted. I always loved you but now that you don’t need me anymore and were moving on to separate lives I realise that I’m in love with you. At first I thought I was just scared I’d been replaced and that I was creating these feelings out of pain. But they are real.

    You are loyal and kind. You’re a million times smarter then you think. You’re funny and you are the most mircalous person I know. Stop holding your self back a dream bigger. You care too much about other people for your own good. You don’t have to worry about your mum, and your sisters big enough to look after herself now. She’s strong like you. I wish I could tell you how I feel but it’s to late. The possibility of what could have been eats away at me. But I just want you to be happy. I don’t think I could have gotten through the last two years without you. I don’t think I’ll ever have a friend like you again. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

    Love always,
    Your best friend.

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