You decided 5 years ago that I wasnt the one to be in your life when you made the decision to cheat on me. I walked out of your life and while it was one of the hardest things I ever did, I did it for me. And I started making decisions for me. And while some of those decisions may not be the best, at least I wasnt choosing you over myself.
But now, 5 years later-you are back in my life and I cant just walk out. In order for me to walk out someone’s life I have to be able to justify it. And you are making it impossible to do so. You have changed so much in 5 years and you have become a better person but I still don’t want you in my life.
I spend my days doing everything I can for you because I do care about you, too much sometimes. But what do I get out of that? You aren’t really MY friend. I am YOUR friend. I take care of you. I make sure you are on track. I keep you in line and I risk my own life’s goals in order to protect yours.
Why do I do this? Why cant I just stop? Why cant I just walk away like I did before? I’m not sure I can really answer those questions other than I care about you and I just cant walk away as I worry about you.
But I dont want to. I want you to be out of my life. I don’t want to deal with the feelings I have for you, I don’t want to have to keep taking care of you, and I want to make my decisions around my life-not yours.
So please just leave. Leave me be. Get out of my life. Hurt me all over again if you have to-that will make it easier then for me to leave. Because I dont want to deal with you anymore. I just want to go back to my life the way it was before you came back into it.