I love you, I miss you and I want you with me always … I wanted to tell you because I can’t hold it in any more, it doesn’t matter if you don’t say it back because even if you don’t feel that way about me it’s always nice to know somebody loves you.
…. Maybe that’s what I should say to you? That’s what lots of people would advise me: be strong, tell him anyway, you’ll never know otherwise.
…. Actually bollocks, because I’m nowhere near that strong; or that brave; or maybe even that stupid. I’m not sure whether you have any idea how I really feel about you … have you? I certainly don’t have any idea how you really feel about me … do you love me?
We are in such a complicated situation, I miss you so much and I am realising more and more how much I love you and how much I want to be with you. It’s scaring me, really scaring me because I can’t see any way in which firstly it would happen that we would be together and secondly that it could work.
… But the first step has to be knowing whether we love each other? Or whether it is just my feelings and they aren’t returned by you. How do I/we get past this? How do I find out whether you and me are worth anything when I’m not brave enough to ask and even if you did love me I don’t know that you would ever tell me?
Is there any way you could let me know? Any way you could tell me you have seen this and let me know the answer? I guess all I’m doing there though is asking you to take the first step and let me off the hook! I know you used to be on this site because it was you who showed me it in the first place.
I’m so stuck, I’m so torn … every part of me aches to be with you again and I hope so much it’s soon. I can cope with anything in life as long as you are there, I’m just afraid that more and more it is only you I want and need there. Lots of love from me xxx