Occasionally, I would revisit your pictures and videos in my album, and also in yours, searching for answers…
Often I asked myself why am I so mesmerised by you. Is it your charm, how special you made me feel, how you always made me feel taken care of, or perhaps how you always made me drown in your kisses.
I miss you terribly. To have you move on so swiftly away from me is killing me. I doubt your love towards me. Whether if I was just another girl to you, as well as if you were just a phase to me.
I still do not have the answer.
Every inch of me wants to know… yet I do not dare to ask, for fear of waking up that cold distant shadow lingering between us again. No. Not when I am not sure myself and not when I am not able to give you my all, yet.
The past 2 months have been hard without you.
I dream about you all the time and I wake up lying in bed thinking about us and the times we spent together. Somehow… every time I wished you were there with me, it brings me back to the night before your birthday. I miss that night and I miss your kisses. Do you remember and feel me next to you sometimes?
Often when I’m lonely, I am drawn back to you. Thoughts of you float in that whimsical head of mine. Even when I’m grocery shopping, all I can picture was us cooking a meal together with you fussing over me.
I suppose I am just silly like that. I wish we had more progress, yet.. I’m so afraid we make progress and things turn way worse. Oh.. you don’t know how hard was it for me to turn away and stop myself from hugging you, kissing you, and sniffing you.
So many things I want to do to you, so many places I wanna go with you, so many different things I wanna share and experience with you.
I still love you. Deeply. I really don’t think i will ever stop loving you.