• what do YOU want?

    by  • November 12, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 3 Comments

    I think back on our time together and it’s painful how much regret I have. So many things I wish I could have done differently. So many things I wish I had said to you. So many conversations we needed to have but I was just too squeamish around you. I still want you. That’s all I really want. My ultimate truth is that you are the person I should be with for the rest of my life. I’m hanging on to this hope like my life depends on it. I want us to start over. I promise you it can be different than it was. WE can work, baby.

    Sorry for my preamble ramble. As the title indicates, this letter really has nothing to do with me, or what I want. It has to do with something I’m not sure I’ve ever asked:

    What do you want?

    Do you want me to love you? Do you want to love me back?

    Do you just want to be friends? I know when I’ve tried that in the past it never worked, but now I would just be so happy to have you in my life in any way.

    Do you want me to leave you alone? Like, REALLY leave you alone. I was actually asked (in a very concealed fashion) during an interview how hard it was for me since you had left. I responded “Its hard, but the resourceful man always finds a way”. But if you had just had enough of me and you never wanted to hear from me again, I would honor that.

    Maybe you just want some time? That may be the hardest of all these, just because it keeps me waiting and guessing. I feel like time is being lost, time that we could be creating beautiful memories. But I’ve certainly learned that what I want cant be obtained just on my end no matter how badly I want it. You have to want it too.

    I once said I would give you anything you wanted. I still mean that. I love you A. I always have. And even if you hated me, or even worse you were just completely indifferent, I always will. I recognize that I’ve been very selfish. I speak in grandiose platitudes about always putting you first but my actions are contrary. I want to put my money where my mouth is for once. Even if that means this is goodbye, I’ll hate it, I’ll cry til my eyes are dry, but I’ll know I truly did right by you.

    Tell me what you want. It’s yours.

    3 Responses to what do YOU want?

    1. Nobody
      November 13, 2014 at 5:39 am

      Reading your post it is something that I feel my love should or maybe does feel. Hence I would like to pass on my response and maybe that will help you to figure things out.
      I always thought that true love would be enough to overcome everything but I think that I may have been wrong. It’s in the mutual priority both put into this love, a mutual level of consideration, and of how this love is lived out together. I am at a point that I don’t even know anymore if it was ever the kind of love that I was seeking all life long. Over the past two, or so, years my prince charming has turned into the frog he never was and I am not sure that a kiss will do the “back” transformation. Taking someone you love for granted, or acting as if – kills eventually all there is. Not suddenly if the other is hanging on tight, but rather gradually until nothing is left.
      I don’t know if I am quite at this point yet and your letter made me think of this and of what I want. I know what I want I am just not sure anymore that he is who I thought I want it with.

      How will she know unless you open up and let her know how you truly feel? How will she know unless you open up and leave your self vulnerable for a change?
      Start by sending her this post, or better yet, print it and give it to her. Maybe this will be the “ice breaker” to start anew. Maybe not fast but it’s a terrific start. Your words touched me and I am sure in one way or another it will touch her too.

      My best wishes to you.

    2. What I want......
      November 13, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      Is EVERYTHING! I want a love that is so profoundly endless that time would stop and admire because it knows that it can never change the bond. I want to go to sleep wrapped in arms that cannot rest without my touch, I want passion, I want honesty, I want to trust someone the way that I used to. I want sweet kisses for no reason. I want you to tell me you love me and mean it. I want you to never call me disgusting names. I want to be in a relationship where I won’t have to worry if you will break my arm or dump and ashtray over my head because you are drunk. I want everything. I know that there will be times when we are mad, but I want you to always talk to me no matter how silly it is. I want to be your best friend and you mine. I want REAL LOVE! I want to feel again.

    3. That Makes Two Of Us
      November 22, 2014 at 11:03 am

      @What I want…..Exactly the same word for word ;D

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