• In another lifetime.

    by  • November 12, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    I am so sorry. I am sorry that I’ve caused you more pain than anyone, and that I’m the reason for your intimacy issues. I’m sorry that I took a chance by reaching out to you years down the road when I wasn’t in any place in my life to be doing so. I’m sorry for any more uncomfortable feelings that have boiled up inside of you regarding me. I am sorry that I could never amount to enough for you. I hope I didn’t come off as spiteful when I told you that I was not taking your offer of chasing after you. We went over this a number of times. I never asked you to press pause, but do you realize that you’re asking that of me? All for a maybe? This isn’t the way that love is supposed to work. I get that I’ve broken the rules a few times in our history, but I when I “weaseled” my way back into your life, I wanted to play by the rules to the best of my ability. Obviously this situation is way fucked up, but you felt like a light at the end of it for just a fleeting moment. I didn’t expect exclusiveness from you. I only wanted to be talked to like I mattered. Communicated with if you were feeling any resentment or insecurities. Treated with respect, because that’s the only way that I’ve spoken to you since we started doing this again. I’m sorry that I am not willing to put forth all of my effort in return for absolutely none. I wouldn’t even have asked you to give me just as much. Just enough to know I’m not doing this for nothing. Just enough to know that I have SOME kind of chance. I get it. I wasn’t a very good teenager. However, I have much more potential now. This is why I can’t allow people in who promote negativity, hostility, or are just plain mean to me or careless with me. I can only allow those who support or uplift me, no matter how badly I want them, or their attention. Nothing is worth the price of me losing or devaluing myself. You know my feelings on our situation. I’ll see you next time around.


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