• Tell me why this hurts

    by  • November 11, 2014 • To You • 0 Comments

    Dear Jason,

    “Your potential to be Carmen Sandiego, your minkey hair, and your taste in music. These are the only reasons I keep you around.” And you know what? It was a funny joke. And you know what? I know I’ve said similar things to you before. But you know what else? Tonight, that really fucking hurt.

    Especially on top of, “I would love to do these things with you and these other people, BUT… you have a him.” Great. Give me one more reason why dating him is preventing me from spending time with you and helping to alienate me from my friends. Especially if that reason is something totally out of his control and not his fault. Perfect.

    Why does this hurt so fucking much? I know part of it is because I’m not trying to fight this, and I’m being really whiny and selfish in not putting in the real effort: to not see you so often, to spend more time with him, to reaffirm my current relationship instead of basking in a poor approximation of the one I wish I could have. But there’s the other side of, I don’t know how much trying will help. It hurts no matter what I do, and at the end of the day, it’s still you I want to talk to and spend time with, because then it hurts a little less for a little while.


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