• I hope you see this, but then again, I dont.

    by  • November 11, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 4 Comments

    J

    I’m only half past the point of oblivion. I’ve started to realize this feeling is never going to go away. I’m probably going to love you for the rest of my life. It’s going on three years now, since I realized I wanted more from you than to just be friends. And in March, it’ll be a year since I told you of these feelings, a year of absolute misery. You just don’t feel the same way about me, you say. But then why do I catch you looking at me, the same way you always used to, the way that made me fall for you? It would be easier for me if you felt the same way about me, even if we couldn’t be together, at least my heart wouldn’t be smashed into little fragments. I could move on with my life. But something doesn’t feel right about this, you saying that you don’t feel the same, but everywhere, there are hints that you do. Or maybe it’s just my hopeful imagination, wishing for things that aren’t really there. You don’t seem to realize how alike we are. There’s a darkness in you that I recognize in me. You’re like my mirror and I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now. I just want to kiss you, just once. Consider it my dying wish. Twenty-two is pretty young to make a dying with, I know, but I don’t think I’ll want anything more for the rest of my life. It’s been a while since I could say that I wasn’t addicted to you. And it’s been since March that I went and fucked things up, just like I always do. I don’t think you can appreciate how hard this is. You and everyone else seem to think that I asked for this, that I wanted to fall in love with you and mess everything up, but I didn’t! I tried so hard for so long to make these feelings go away. But I can’t, and I refuse to ignore them any longer. You probably don’t know this, but I’ve been making steps towards getting independent, then maybe you’ll look at me in a different light, or who knows, you might hate me. The point is, I’m in love with you, but you are not the center of my world. I’m doing this for me, because I deserve this, and if we end up together because of it, then that’s even better. I just hope you have the courage to be honest with me; I want to see you be brave.

    M

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    4 Responses to I hope you see this, but then again, I dont.

    1. anon
      November 11, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      You know what I know exactly what you are going through because I’m in the same situation, it fucking sucks..




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    2. Author
      November 17, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      yeah, just wish I could clear the air and figure things out…The guy I’m talking about came over for a bit last night to hang out, only made things worse 🙁




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    3. Anon
      November 18, 2014 at 6:20 am

      Why would he hate you if you became independent? If he came over to hang out then it looks like he might be interested. That’s what I’m seeing here at least.




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    4. Author
      November 18, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      Because becoming independent would also mean hurting one of his friends. And when he came over to hang out, it was all three of us, not just he and I.




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