To the Excruciating Silence~~
You used to act like you had feelings for me. I know we were just friends, but I liked that feeling. But then that stopped and when I finally realised I had these feelings for you I didn’t want to say anything. I was afraid. Afraid of how you’d react. Of what you’d say. Of losing a friend. Somehow you made me say it. And things did go on like normal. So I figured you just didn’t care. You accepted it and we went on like normal. You still let me know what was going on with you and we still hung out and laughed… But then….
You just kinda stopped talking to me again. You started shutting me out. I tried to talk to you, to find out what was going on but you ignored me. Time and time again.
And you keep dropping these hints everywhere and I don’t know what to make of them. Do they mean anything? Who are they directed at? Did you find someone else that you want to be with and are afraid to talk to me about what’s going on because you don’t want to upset me? Are the hints directed at me? I don’t know. But if you had any kind of feelings like that toward me, you would have said something right? You would have told me because I already came clean about mine. Why would I have to do it over and over again for you. You’re an adult. Speak your damn mind. Don’t expect anyone to read it. Say what you want to say, to the person you want to say it to. Otherwise no one will know who you’re talking about when you say things that are cryptically begging for a response.
MAN UP. Isn’t that something I heard you say a million times before? So why is it when you get into one of these situations you do the complete opposite.
I don’t know why you’re shutting me out. I don’t know why I feel like a knife is stabbing me in the heart. Oh wait. I do.
Because I had a huge decision to make. It took me a little while to make it and then I kept getting sick, but I finally made my decision. And that was you. I CHOSE YOU! Honestly, it didn’t bother me because right now there is no one else I want to be with. But now you’re shutting me out. You won’t talk to me. And I chose you. Maybe if you had found someone else and got into a relationship with them, I would have been fine…. a little sad…. but fine… If you still talked to me. Still kept me as a friend. But now… it seems like you just don’t want me in your life anymore.
THAT is what kills me. I care so much about you, but you go and ignore me. It’s not even like I’m constantly begging for your attention and sending you message after message every day begging for response. I don’t want to annoy you, I don’t want to get in your way. So I try to get by with just enough to remind you that I’m still here. That I’m still waiting for you to talk to me… as I go on with my own life. My thoughts are constantly filled with you every day, and it’s starting to torment me.
Please… Don’t ignore me.
Let me in.
Don’t just disappear…
~Hanging by a Thread~