• Heartbreak

    by  • November 11, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Every time I’m with you, I feel at peace and I feel happy. I just simply feel safe.
    We hung out a lot with our group of friends. I always had feelings for you, and just felt so at home around you.
    Our little group stopped hanging out, so I became friends with new people. Little did I know you were friends with these people as well. So when I was hanging out with them one night and they said they invited you, my stomach dropped.
    You came and hung out with us. It was Carlos, Brett, My sister shyanne, You, and I. You were in the back seat and my sister was bringing up the past, and how we all used to hangout and how much fun it was. Then she said “Shelby, remember when you used to have the biggest crush on him?” I have never been more red in my entire life. I had no idea what to say, my sister totally just threw me under the bus.
    I just smiled and said, “haha yeah, that was like a year ago.” And you spoke up and said “Yeah I liked you too, but you never really talked to me so it was hard to make anything out of it. haha”. I just laughed.
    From that time on, whenever I was around you I felt, again, safe.
    I decided to serve an LDS mission, and you did too. Before I left we hung out once, we didn’t do anything, we just talked. We didn’t do anything fun, but it made me like you even more. Just talking with you made me feel at peace.
    At my farewell I was feeling so scared, and I felt like I was going to puke. I don’t do good in front of a lot of people, and talking in front of a lot of people was my biggest fear. I was about to not do it. I saw you walk in the doors, and grab a seat, and right when I saw you I felt that peace that I feel every time i’m with you. I was able to give my speech because of you.
    And when I came home from my mission because of my depression, you wrote me the week I came home. You didn’t even know I was home. But you said the things I needed to hear to make me feel that peace.
    When you found out I was home, you still said exactly what I needed.
    I don’t know how you do it.
    I don’t know if it’s a sign, but I know that in some way i’m meant to be with you. Weather that be just friends, or more. I just know in some way that peace is suppose to be apart of my life to help me. God knew I needed you in those exact moments to help me, I can’t imagine you not in my life.
    You told me I was meant to be home, and to accept that. So I have been accepting that.. but you also told me I’ll probably get married while i’m home. You obviously don’t feel the same way for me as I do for you or you wouldn’t give me the image of marrying someone else.
    I was so sure we were meant to be.
    I love you. But maybe you’ll be my greatest heartbreak. Someone I never actually had, but was so close to having.

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