This first time I tried to write this letter the only thing that came out was a laundry list of profanities directed at you and the second time I wrote it they were all directed back at me, I guess that sums up this situation pretty well.
So here is the truth that I can’t tell you:
You are a shitty human being. You stopped doing your dishes, then you stopped coming home, then you stopped being my friend, and now I am so scared you are going to simply stop living. It is infuriating how I can hate you so much but I am the person who loves you the most in this world. How can I be so hurt and bitter that I can’t be around you anymore and yet the thought of you ceasing to exist in this world rips me open. The worst part is that I don’t get to hate you for being not only the shittiest roommate in the world but for not being my best friend anymore. I can’t complain about how our apartment has gone to shit and I get to do this dishes and cleaning on my own because you say “I wasn’t even around, how could the mess be mine?” and I bite my tongue because you are so blinded by your selfish world that revolves around your sadness that you don’t even realize I am really angry because you aren’t around anymore. I am angry that you stopped giving a shit about me along with everything else. I am angry that I didn’t stop caring about you when you stopped caring about me. I am angry that I can’t be angry. I am angry that it isn’t your fault. But mostly I am irreversibly hurt by your depression because I lost by best friend and I lost the piece of my heart you took with you when you stopped giving a shit and I didn’t.