Dear Everyone I know,
It’s amazing what a smile can hide isn’t it? For two years I have had to live through this and not a single person has ever come close to knowing what I think about daily. In case you didn’t know, what you say to me I will remember forever. I can tell you what kids used to say to me in 2nd grade to make fun of me. Because words do things like that, they stick and they never ever go away. Words left unsaid are the worst. So here’s what I always have wanted to say but I haven’t; the consequences of it are horrible.
I am suicidal. I am depressed. Every single day is a battle for me and it is so hard to fall asleep at night and hope to wake up in the morning. I planned my suicide out so many times, I’ve had pills in my hand. I’ve had a rope dangling in front of me. You see, I’m not this happy girl you think I am. I never truly have been. My whole life is a lie. It always has been because I know if anyone knew this, I’d be sent to counseling to try and get “better”. But there is no better. What really is better?
So if one day you don’t hear from me, you now know why.