• What I wish I could tell you …

    by  • November 3, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 3 Comments

    I miss you so much, I want you so much, I love you so much. I’m always so scared that you will just change your mind about us again, just finish it and go … that’s why I go on, that’s why I’m so paranoid all the time about lack of contact.
    I wish I knew what I mean to you, I wish I knew how you really feel about me. It’s been nearly 5 years now (albeit on and off) and all I want to hear is those 3 words from you, because I don’t know … maybe you just don’t feel that strongly, maybe you just don’t love me, but I don’t know what this is at all if you don’t. I wish I was brave enough to tell you, maybe you would say it back, but I can’t take the chance because I’m scared it would make you finish it if you didn’t love me back. I know that probably makes it a catch 22, but surely you must know how I feel? You must know I love you? I’ve never been able to hide my feelings for toffee! You said you like that I share my feelings … but I’m completely incapable of sharing the strongest feeling I’ve ever had with the person it’s for. Maybe lots of people would think I’m making too much of a fuss, after all they’re only words. But a lot of the time words is all there is for us, because there’s no time together these days which is why I wish the words meant as much as it is possible for words to mean.
    I guess the thing is that if I knew you loved me then I know that wouldn’t just disappear and I would at least feel secure in the way we both feel even if we can’t ever be together. More and more though I just want to be with you, everything I do I find myself wishing you were there with me or at least coming home to me at some point. Life is just getting more and more unbearable, it’s not working and I don’t think it ever will do again … but being totally honest if I can’t ever be with you I would rather just be on my own than be here.

    3 Responses to What I wish I could tell you …

    1. I
      November 4, 2014 at 3:53 am

      miss you too!

    2. Author
      November 4, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      That’s all I ever get! Which is why I don’t tell him all of this! I guess his feelings just don’t extend as deeply as mine do … it’s a good thing to write on here it gets it out of my system and stops me confessing all to him and making myself look an idiot (which I’m incredibly adept at doing by the way)

    3. Author ... again
      November 4, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      … and thankyou whoever commented because you’ve made me realise how devastated I would feel if I said all of that and then he actually did only say back a carefully chosen “I miss you too” instead of what I (obviously) want to hear.
      Maybe being honest I’m just kidding myself … perhaps time to back off 🙁

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