Thanks for having me over last night. I was half expecting you to reject me, thus you can imagine how happy I was when you said ok. I appreciate the effort, yet I do wonder… would you have packed it for me if I had not asked? I missed spending time with you and Tink Tink, she’s such a sweetheart. I love seeing the both of you together, it really warms my heart.
When you held me up last night, all I wanted was to hold tight to you and kiss you. But… I didn’t. I suppose I would rather have you that way, than face any sort of rejection from you.
Also, I didn’t want to succumb you to anymore unfair heartaches and unhappiness than you are already facing. Are you much happier now that I am no longer in your after-work/phone-texting/weekend life? Do you feel relief and freedom now that there is no “us” any longer?
Is that why you kept your distance from me today? Was that why you rushed me home last night? To stop yourself from succumbing to me?
Many things, I know. I just choose not to disclose them as it does not change things like you said. I’d like to think our hearts understand each other, even we don’t speak of what they feel inside.
Despite the “freedom” I now have, I am still hesitant to go through with many many things, for fear of losing you completely. I go to bed wishing you were next to me, waking up wishing for your scent and morning kiss. My mind is drowning in thoughts and dreams of you.
So many places I would love to go with you.
So many things I would love to do and experience with you.
So many nights so many days I have cried missing you.
But, as I did not have the courage to leave for reasons I will not disclose here (perhaps one day), this wrath I shall suffer, for bringing upon such hurt and heartache to you.
I have secretly hoped, that you will always remain mine. That I will always be The One whom you will love the most, and The One who got away. Selfish thoughts I know, but who am I to deceive?
One day, you will get over me (like you already seem to have slowly), and meet a girl who you will love way more than me. Life is a journey, not a destination. I can only pray that when that day comes, I will be strong enough to withstand such heartache, or perhaps… we will be together, one day.
Still love you.