• Someone should have told me!

    by  • October 28, 2014 • To You • 6 Comments

    That relationships are a pain in THE FUCKING ASS!!! There is no Disney movie to tell you what to do when your heart is broken into a million pieces. No princess to show me what I should have done when he broke my bones. No bitch singing to bring the birds in to help kick some ass. I mean really WTF!!! So here is my truth. I committed to one man for a really fucking long time. In that time (unbeknownst to my clueless ass until now) he slept with the most grimiest bitches to ever exist (and I am not just talkin shit either). So nasty hoes on top of broke my bones and made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. So after a decade of eating his shit politely with a knife and fork I said “Fuck it”. Sweet, gorgeous young thang came my way laying the shit on thick. I don’t think I know exactly what it was due to my intentions. At first it was just hot and I mean FUCKING HOT. I absolutely had no expectations other than your hot, your amazing in bed, you think the sun and moon sets in my ass and all of the excitement that came with it. Okay so this is what I was not at all prepared for. For some reason, the more I blew him off, the more I missed dates, the more he begged for me. So I am emotionally retarded at this point and I just needed to feel alive, wanted and desired. I let it go and have regretted it for 8 fucking years. So this is my question, why did I run from someone that gave me everything that I had ever needed? How could I go from the hurt to the hurt-er? I don’t understand. Only now looking back I can see the error of my ways. Why could I have not known then? To this day, if I meet a man that would be what I imagine Prince Charming to be I freeze. I want to push him away and I don’t know why!!! Will I forever be emotionally shut off? There are so many emotions that I no longer feel that it makes me wonder if I am broken.

    6 Responses to Someone should have told me!

    1. because..
      October 28, 2014 at 5:45 am

      …it was bad enough when an asshole hurt you, slowly and methodically. It would have completely broken you had a Mr.Perfect done so as well. That’s my experience anyway.

    2. @because
      October 28, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      Yes you are right but how do I not do that again? Have you been thru anything like this? Anyone that reads that has been here please tell me what you did to change. I have no idea how I will ever be able to love anyone whole heatedly again. I have literally become what I once hated. I am a woman that literally thinks like a man. I was never like that before. WTF do I do??? UUUGGGGHHHH!!!

    3. because
      October 29, 2014 at 5:50 am

      I have absolutely been through this. I have confidence that when you and your real “Mr.Right” find one another one of two things will happen. 1) Your issues will fade when you realize things with him are different; you feel safe. 2) He will break through that b.s. facade by just being stable and consistent.

      You are not acting like a man. I bet the guy you thought was Mr Wonderful wasn’t. One of the things you pointed out was the “chasing” because you were a challenge. Sure men do that (women too). But rest assured that it’s different as people mature. There was probably something in you that knew you couldn’t open yourself up. Or maybe you just weren’t ready. What’s important is you know something is wrong and you want to fix it. Look at this guy as a lesson learned/dress rehearsal for the real thing.

      To give you background I was in an abusive relationship for years. Many issues that tore me down slowly from the strong person I was. There was this other guy who I knew as a friend who never crossed the line. He just saw I was miserable, liked me from afar, and waited. After a while we got together. He was awesome and treated me like a princess. But my head was so fucked up that I thought I deserved the shitty relationship. I pushed the good guy away and was mentally and emotionally pulled back into the abusive one. The good guy knew all about it. Long story short, the good guy and I fell in love and he’s the one I married. He got me (and I him) because he didn’t play games. He was good. He was patient. That may not sound too exciting but he’s also sexy as fuck but I was too blinded by my previous trauma to really SEE.

      Work on yourself so you will be ready when your own good guy comes around. Good luck.

    4. @because
      October 29, 2014 at 11:13 am

      Thank you. It is nice to know that I am not alone. It is hard going thru this feeling like I am unrepairable and epically fucked up emotionally. Congrats on your happy ending. I know mine is out there I just have to find him or be open to him finding me.

    5. because
      October 29, 2014 at 11:50 am

      No problem. You are not epically fucked up. Something happened TO YOU that fucked you up. Yes, be accepting of your PAST faults, forgive yourself for putting up with bullshit, and give yourself a break. You are not going to get anywhere torturing yourself over crap beyond your control. Take care.

    6. Rebuilt
      October 29, 2014 at 12:19 pm

      I could have written this several years ago. But have since found the teachings of Tony Robbins and Never will i take shit again! Nor will i shy away from what i need in fear of fucking it up. Stand tall beautiful soul and good luck on the rebuild!

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