• Why and WTF!

    by  • October 14, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 4 Comments

    I have got to get this off my chest. You KNOW I read everything on your FB page. You know I am affected by certain photos. Especially that one. That photo is the photo that made me leave on Dec 20th of 2013. You don’t take time to see me or talk to me about how I feel because you already know. I’ve told you many times I love you. You know that I struggle with jealousy. You know I hate waking up to see reality after we’ve talked all weekend and I’m feeling close. Or finally feeling like things are calming down within me and then BAM. Slap to the face. I am controlling this for you. Can you fucking take it easy on me? As much as you try to be my friend. I’m always going to want more. I’m settling for friends as that’s the only thing we can be right now. I have a hard time keeping to friendship standards. Not saying sexual things and such. I never know when you will just “forget” to text me back. It seems you ignore me when I express my want for you or my need to see you. You like the danger of me but your sensible side won’t let you do it. You will never be free. You will never say you love me back. You will never kiss me or feel my body against yours while making love. All I will ever be to you is a friend you never got with. Another pretty trophy you put on a shelf to look at. A memory of the past times when you felt real love. When you were less damaged. Still whole. I’m always going to love you but please, if you can’t take time to listen to how all this makes me feel and pretend I don’t exist until you decide to text me. If you can’t quit making me feel stupid every time I open my heart and post a poem related to you or express any type or feeling. If you can’t accept this in your mind as its already in your heart…..at least try and take it easy on me. I didn’t ask for this. You found me. You didn’t expect to get an earth shattering connection, did you? Me either.

    4 Responses to Why and WTF!

    1. jp
      October 15, 2014 at 11:40 am

      Sounds like me a year or two ago. In my case I finally had to accept that I was just dining on crumbs and the relationship was seriously impacting on my self esteem. Still gets to me sometimes, but not nearly as intensely. I hope your connection is as strong as it feels -mine turned out to be more in my head than anywhere. Be good to yourself author & good luck.

    2. sorry
      October 15, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      JP – I’m sorry your relationship was affecting your self esteem. Sounds like you are doing better now. Glad to hear it.

    3. twin soul
      October 15, 2014 at 4:19 pm

      @JP….My guess is that our connection is very strong. Simply, I tried to rid myself of this in December but he came back and apologized. He checks on me at least once a week. Chats me on text when he can. If I was to go away…he would find me and come back. I don’t know why other than maybe he does feel the same and cannot admit it. Idk but I should have just stuck to my guns. Its just something I cannot explain. No matter how I try. And yes I do get lost in my head. Everyday. Thank you for the sweet response. I really needed that. I should always put me first as I really am starting to feel like a fish on a string. Maybe I just need to let it go. Forever.

    4. @twin soul
      October 16, 2014 at 4:37 am

      Sorry to say that, but it sounds like you will stay the fish on a string for a long time. Why don’t you let them catch you?

    Leave a Reply