My dearest CJB,
Where to even begin?
After all this time…I mean, I guess it’s only been 14 months that we’ve been together; strange, isn’t it? That so much, but so little has happened over the last year (and two months). That this time last year, we hadn’t even fathomed what being together would be like. Like my heart was about to be ripped out of my chest, and a part of it to permanently reside with you 4,800 miles away. That this time last year, we were a mere 6 weeks away from the first time I came overseas to see you. That I would get detained in London, run barefoot through London Heathrow, miss my flight, but some how end up in Dublin at the best time possible.
The “DTR”; becoming a couple. Edinburgh. Our first big fight-resulting in the realization that I literally have no idea what I would do without you..
And how much that both made me feel whole, and scared me to death.
And now, here we are, a year later, 33 days from departure, with a year of experience under our belts.
Has it really been that long? I remember being terrified of meeting your parents…especially your Da. Fearing that your Granny would call me by the name of the ex I so hate..only to find that she knows not only of me, but of the state of Cowboys, Deserts, and Arches. That she wrote my date of college graduation on her calendar, and put my grad photo on the mantle with the rest of the grand children.
After all the fights about Tara, and Sean..
EDC. Idaho. My hometown. Having that experience with me, seeing something new of that town, and finally believing in me. Seeing your true character, with people who are befitting of The People of Wal-Mart, and to see you happily chatting away, making friends, and bestowing your monetary kindness upon them. You made a lasting impression on those people; they will remember that experience forever, the kindness you bestowed upon them that night.
I will never forget how you put up with the bunch of hens chattering about the people we knew from high school who were being scandalous; it was like I had never left.
I can’t even begin to tell you how happy it makes me to think that you still read our letters from camp..my letters from camp. Back in the time when we were both so innocent in our intentions, and started to realize what we had found. How the letters all started after a silly fight about “us” before there even was an “us”.
When I think about the last 4 years of my life, of college..
I had never dreamed that I would ever have found anything like this with a partner/boyfriend. And even though I ache for you constantly, miss your family, yearn for the relationship we haven’t fully been able to have..
I truly cannot wait for the next adventures we have in store. I am truly amazed that we have made it this far. That you haven’t given up on me. Through the severe anxiety, the woopsies, mistakes, bitchy dispositions ,you have stuck by me like no one else has.
When my family went crazy, you listened, as much as you didn’t want to, you did. It was hard. It took a toll on you, and you persevered through it.
I know you miss me, “us”; but I fully got the grasp of that per our conversation the other night. After 14 months of dating, I have never felt more loved than I did Thursday night. No nicknames, no smilies, LOL.
You missed me. Called my by my full name, and felt that part of your being that was missing. The good, the bad, the ugly-despite all of our short comings, you felt how I have for the last 13 months of our relationship. You brought in the element of music, which you know, is my weakness. I feel through music. And I have found someone else who does, too.
I saw that with you at EDC; there was a moment, where the sun was rising, it was just you and I, the air was raining confetti, and that song came on…and it was just you and I. I wanted nothing more than to be in your arms at that moment, but your look said it all.
Enter in Who’d Have Known by Lily Allen. Thanks, Pandora.
I miss you so much. SO much. My being aches for you; for us. For our fights, making dinner together, going to the pub, spending time with our families. Joking with your Da, watching you interact with my dad and brothers, playing with my nieces and nephews..
I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. I’ve never been this devoted to anything in my life. And it scares me. But in a good way.
I love you more so than anyone else in this world. There’s never been anyone to push me, bother me, motivate me, and love me in the way that you have. And for that, I can never repay you.
I love you my boy.
Give Stuart my love, and Tigger says herro.