• Numb

    by  • July 30, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Thinking of you • 1 Comment

    It’s times like these that I miss you so much, when I feel like I have no-one to turn to, no-one who honestly cares and want’s to listen to what I have to say. You never made me feel alone, I always knew I had you, you ‘cared’ about me, you made me feel like life was worth living because you were a part of it. Some of my happiest days and moments were with you, even if it was just being in your company, I was the happiest person in the world. We didn’t even have to be doing anything exhilarating or exciting, just being with you was all that I needed. I have never felt so comfortable with another human being in my life, than I did with you. We were so in harmony with each other, we understood each other like no-one else would. Why did you leave me? I can’t do this without you, I need your reassurance that I’m going to be okay, I miss your laugh, I miss you smile. I miss you. I don’t know how much longer I can do this without you, I feel like I cannot function most of the time. My life feels so empty and worthless, everyday I tell myself that it’s going to get better, but it doesn’t. I wish you were here, I wish you still cared. I love you so much that it consumes me, and I have to convince myself that I hate you with every single fibre in my body, but I know in my heart and soul how I feel about you and I hate it so fucking much. I don’t want to feel like I need you anymore, because you most certainly do not need me. You’ve done so many things to hurt me, that I cannot even imagine why I still love you, but at the same time you’ve done so many wonderful things, that I’ll never forget. I’ll never forget you, no matter how hard I try and make myself forget. You’ve become a part of me, a part of me that’ll never go away. Even though, things fucked up in the end, I know my love for you was real and it still is. People didn’t understand me like you did, they didn’t have the same kind of patience and empathy that you did for me, and even though your emotions were probably fake, you were one of the closest people to me in my life. It pains me to let you go, but I know that it’s the right thing to do, you died as soon as things ended between us, you became a completely different person and honestly, I don’t know if in those special moments that we had, the real you shone through, because whoever you are trying to be now, is not the person I knew and loved. I loved the person you were, and when I say I love you, I think of the old you. It’s painful to even have you in my thoughts, which unfortunately you preoccupy most of the time. I hope that one day, I can look at back at you, as a distant fond memory.

    One Response to Numb

    1. Doesn't sound like fake at all
      August 2, 2014 at 9:19 pm

      “It pains me to let you go, but I know that it’s the right thing to do, you died as soon as things ended between us, you became a completely different person”

      There is only so much pain a person can handle – not knowing your particulars…what if the ending had your person change to maintain strength to breathe?

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