• I Blame You.

    by  • July 28, 2014 • Acceptance • 1 Comment

    I was eight years old when I met you. I didn’t like you from the first moment I met you and grew to hate you every second of every day for the rest of my life. The word hate is the strongest emotion one could feel. I honestly feel bad for anybody that has to experience that emotion because you can never explain it. I used to have dreams of you standing over me and I would be scared, alone, and crying but I didn’t have anyone to comfort me and that was your fault. You took away my mom from me. You made my brother and sister scared to even put a finger down. You made me disappear from the hell hole of a life because you knew I wasn’t afraid and if I was I sure wouldn’t show that to you. You monitored everything that went on in the house in other words you are a control freak. You made me take five minutes or less showers every other day or every two days. Do you know what its like to come home a three hour long softball practice and not be able shower for two days. You made me to be the smelly kid in school. You made me scared that every time I came home from school I would just stay in my room and pretend to be sleeping just so I wouldn’t have to deal with you. Your the one that because of your selfishness and anger you caused me picking up a few of my favorite things and leaving on a whim not knowing if my mom was going to be okay and forcing me to comfort and calm down my little brother and sister not knowing when the next time we would be back. Its funny because we all have the one memory in our childhood a day we will never forget. Mine was when you told me that if you were ever my dad you would kill yourself. You know I kind of wish you were my dad just for that reason. I blame you for all the nights I had to call my friends and sleep in their rooms and leave before their parents would notice. I blame you for all the times I would drive to my grandparents house balling my eyes. I blame you for making my mom insane. I blame you for pushing me down and slamming the door in my face. I blame you for holding up my brother by the neck threatening to beat him. I blame you for showing my sister that this is a healthy lifestyle so now when she does create a healthy relationship she will do a million and half things to screw it up because shes so confused. This is all on you. This is for the times you put Tabasco sauce on my brother and sisters lips and made them eat it as a form of punishment, which I now found out is a form of child abuse thought you should know. You took everything from me. You made me feel disgusting and alone. At the age of 13 I drank bottles of vodka everyday and you know thats all on me. I broke down and let a guy like you tear me apart. I thank God everyday for the savior that walked into my life. He saved me. He helped me decide to move out and not to feel bad leaving anybody behind. He was also my partner in crime. Yeah it was us we slashed your tires on your truck and put sugar in your gas tank, but that back fired because you being the cheap ass you made my mom buy all new tires for it. When you got in that motorcycle accident you know its funny because I didn’t cry one bit I did feel bad though but for my mom because she had to help take care of your sorry ass. When your snacks would go missing in your snack cabinet yeah it was me and I ate it in my room to. Oh and by the way that “spare” key you had hiding in that rock yeah theres copies and I made sure to give one to all my friends who also have some anger for you. I do give you props though for going to anger management classes on wednesdays to bad they didn’t help though or my mom would probably be there still. You made me feel anxious and out of control every time I saw you. The worst part she made me apologize to you so I could move back in after college for that short time. I didn’t mean one word and you started crying like a little bitch. Then proceeded to give me a set of rules. And you wonder why everyone thinks that your a control freak. You should just be happy that I didn’t include everything that went on durning my childhood, because right now you would be dead. Im not focused on that anymore because you don’t own me. I am free from you but my hate for you will never ever go away. If we ever cross paths which I hope we don’t you better watch yourself. Now I am stronger than before. You think your so tuff you can push around a girl. Well I am standing my ground and I will take you down. You are nothing. I always used to think your kids were assholes along with everybody else in Sauk Rapids but now I don’t blame them if I had to deal with you for the rest of my life I would be a bitter asshole to. I hate you. I blame you. Who I am today you are nothing apart of. This is all me rising above you.

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    One Response to I Blame You.

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      July 28, 2014 at 11:39 pm

      Amen. You should think about talking to Project Unbreakable about your experiences. They have an amazing coordinator and help a lot with abuse. They focus on sexual abuse, but I’m sure they would be willing to talk to you. Think about it.




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