Without you… What do I do? Where do I turn for help? For someone to listen… Or to help me forget. To do lines of cocaine with, to get lost in a haze of weed smoke? To get drunk on red wine? To have sex over and over again until the push of dawn…
Without you… I am happier and healthier than I have been in years. Maybe I am going through yet another detox, of you, of my family, of everything bad that used to be in my life. I am more beautiful than I have ever been… Or close to it. I think the onky thing that could make me beautiful is the sound of silence and nature. It feeds my soul.
I would be lying if I didn’t say that I still think of you, I do. More and more, everything is fading to a memory… Hazey and distant, but somethings remain crystal clear, your betrayal(s), the love I had for your daughter, the proposal, your ring that I have hidden from anyone other than me, my eyes. It was something you had made for me, and for me only.
I know you broke into my house and took my favorite necklace. The one you knew someone else gave me. You left your bloody fingerprints all over my soul, and it was my soul you stripped bare. Oddly, I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything because it revealed to me who you truly are, and how strong I am, but I miss you.
In this wreckage of everything, I miss you. You were mine, for borrowed days that I never bothered to count until they were over… And I wonder, do you miss me? Do I haunt you? Are there traces of me through your mind, fingerprints on your soul. Sometimes I think of making you come back again, except I couldn’t stand losing you again. I might kill myself.
The truth is… The truth I can only write herr and whisper to myself late at night… Is that there will never bee another person that I loved like I loved you. That I don’t want there to be. There is something so tragically beautiful about our story.
We were monsters together, human, until I realized that you were darker than I could ever imagine you could be. I miss you and your darkness.
I wonder if you ever think about me, do you miss me? I think about all of the time we wasted, the children we conceived, both of mixed together and I would do anything to go back and save that life.
Do you still come by? Drive by my house and wish you were inside? Do you ever receive a call from an unknown numbet and wonder if it was me? I do, all the time.
I am dating others now, and there was even someine I was almost serious with, but you were still there in the back of my mind.