• I always run

    by  • July 27, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Acceptance • 0 Comments

    Life is such a confusing journey. One moment you are in love, taking on the world together with everything planned out, the next you are heartbroken with nowhere to go. You pick up everything and leave because you can’t stand to be where everything is familiar. That’s what I have done, more than once in fact. The first time is was to get away from the house I had grown up in and the town where I had fallen in love for the first time. I had to get away, to try and figure out who I was. I moved to a national park which, while absolutely beautiful, is not a great place when you are in the state I was. They have a saying, “there are 3 things to do here: hike, drink, and bone and if you aren’t doing at least 2 at once, you are doing it wrong.” I did all 3 at once on most occasions. No care for myself, I became an alcoholic and slept with whoever wanted me. While I still have fond memories of my time there, I wasn’t in a good place. After I left there, I moved to a ski resort where I started to figure out who I was, this time without as much sex and booze. I loved where I was but I wanted to be with my family again. That brings us to the second time I ran away, just a few months ago. I went back to the west coast to be closer to my family I hadn’t seen in almost a year. Things kind of fell apart between my sister and the rest of my family and I lost my nephew in the mix. He is the light of my life, first nephew, and an absolute sweetheart. With his home life the way it is, I have always felt personally responsible for him and I feel so helpless now. I will more than likely never see him again, and that thought breaks my heart. I couldn’t stand being around things that reminded me of him, kind of like mourning the death of a loved one. I ran. Back to the place I am happiest, even though it means being away from the rest of my family. I love where I live and while I still fight self-doubt and depression occasionally, I am truly happy for the most part now. Life is not easy. You just have to pick yourself up and try not to get too caught up in it. I try to remember this when life gets tough and I have to fight to keep my head up. Thanks for listening.

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