I doubt you’ll ever read this and even if you did, I suspect you would again try to turn yourself into the victim. You would turn every word around to make me out to be the bad guy, or say that because it happened so long ago it doesn’t matter anymore. Anything possible to assuage your guilt would be used, and I’m sure you have a toolbox full of excuses.
My family was whole when you came into the picture. You were supposed to have been my mother’s friend. She had been married for approaching a decade and had four children- four perfectly innocent children, whose childhoods you destroyed.
I’ll never understand why people cheat. I’ve heard excuse after excuse, but they all just sound lame to me. What’s even worse to me, however, is when people betray their “friends” and take their spouse to bed. That’s exactly what you did too. You knew about my siblings and I, and you still had an affair with my dad while he was married to my mother. No divorce papers had been filed and there was nothing to indicate that they would be splitting up for good. That didn’t matter to you though- no, all you cared about was yourself and your own gratification.
You got pregnant off of it too. You got pregnant and the only thing that mattered, the only victim in your eyes, was your child. It wasn’t my mother, who had married and had her children in wedlock. It wasn’t my siblings or I, born legitimately. No, it was only your child.
Even though YOU made a CHOICE to bed a man married with four children, it was still more important for you to take away more in child support for one kid than my father had to spend on the rest of us combined.
You weren’t content with allowing my family to try to move on with our lives; even after someone was stupid enough to marry you and adopt the kid, it wasn’t enough for you. You were still so mad- whether you admit it or not- that you couldn’t have my dad, that you continued to try to force yourself back in. When you couldn’t yourself come to our home to display your creepy, stalker-like behavior (like when you came and put baby shoes in our mailbox or showed up at a mutual friend’s house every time my mom went there), you just had people come to our home to bring your drama and messages with them.
Nearly 20 years later, you act as if you’re Jesus. You act as if my siblings and I have no reason to abhor you or to not want anything to do with you. You speak in a manner that suggests you have no understanding of the gravity of your actions, like none of the harm you inflicted matters. You prance about as if you have never done a single thing wrong in your whole pathetic life, and hold you and the scums around you on a pedestal.
You must have no understanding of all the damage you caused. Ultimately, I think you are responsible for my parents’ divorce. The cheating could have been forgiven, but not what you did. There’s no way they could have moved on with a constant reminder of the betrayal. But, it took 15 years for that divorce to arrive. Throughout that 15 years, the amount of trouble that befell us because of that betrayal was astronomical. There were so many snide comments, so much animosity, and so much fighting that I can’t even begin to remember it all. Why don’t you imagine if you had to walk around as a child and teen, constantly feeling shame because of the rumors that started?
The financial repercussions were severe as well. As previously stated, some idiot judge thought it was “fair” to award more than half of my father’s paycheck to a tramp who knowingly and willingly bedded a married man, as apparently you deserved more than four innocent children. As a result, my siblings and I faced never-ending ridicule for being poor, because there was so little money left to split among us. Think about this- I got teased so badly as a KINDERGARTENER that I used to sneak back into the house from the bus stop and try to hide to avoid facing the other students. Sometimes Mom had to dress me, screaming and kicking, and drag me to the bus stop. Eventually it got so bad they the principal had to begin a rewards program for only me to make me come. Think about that, because you are partially responsible for it, for not having the basic sense and courtesy not to bed a married man. YOU took all that money as well as 100% of our tax returns away from us which would have taken away reason they had to bully us for being so poor.
When you came to live in the same town as us again, you opened a whole new can of worms after the last one had been empty a while. Finally, you saw the marriage end. You then even had the audacity to call me an “angry child.” Fuck yes I’m angry. What else did you expect? Do I have not a valid reason to be furious?
Time and time again you tried to force yourself back into our lives. FORCE it. No, we have no desire to have anything to do with you, yet you think it’s good to try to force it?
I take it you were just butthurt that the married man you slept with decided he’d rather stay with his wife (whoa, no way! That NEVER happens!) so you went out of your way to harm us. Tell me, you rotten bitch, did you ever stop to think that the only people you were hurting were the wife and her children? Right, that doesn’t matter to you because it’s not YOU.
I’ve wondered what you tell people about the kid. I bet you trash-talk my dad, saying stuff like “Yeah her father just walked out on us.” Do you ever admit that you are a home wrecker? Do you tell them the part about how he was married and had four kids? Do you mention that fact that you were supposed to be the wife’s friend? Right.. That would interfere with your “I’m the victim” narrative.
I wonder too, if when you pray at night do you ask, “God, why do they hate me so much? All I did was sleep with their father and ruin their parents’ marriage.”
Of course I accept that my dad isn’t innocent in this. He too made the choice to sleep with you. However, as I said before, what I don’t understand more than people who cheat is the women who sleep with married men, especially when they are supposed to be friends with the wife. We as women are supposed to be compassionate, kind, and understanding. We’re supposed to be there building one another up and offering a shoulder to cry on, not tearing each other down and creating a reason to cry. Women usually have a natural instinct to nurture and not want to harm children, but that’s exactly what you did.
I have no compassion for you. In fact, I’m glad you suffered. I’m glad for every bit of suffering you’ve faced since then and for every bit of suffering you will endure until the end of time for all the damage you’ve inflicted on us. I wish I could create more of it too, without being called the bad guy. I think you deserve public humiliation after all of it that we faced, but it’s so “mean” and “bitchy” for me to want that. You haven’t suffered nearly as much as you should have- while you prance around as if you’ve never done any wrong, we were shamed out of our home. We’re told we need to “get over it” and to “grow up,” that it’s our fault we dealt with so much drama because my mother thought that we deserved to have our father.
She did what she was supposed to. She found a single man, she got married, and she had her children by her husband. You found a woman, befriended her, knew she and her husband had four children, and slept with the husband. Just how sick is your mind and way of thinking to make you feel like YOU are an innocent victim?
Have fun explaining yourself to Jesus.