• Sicko

    by  • July 26, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 1 Comment

    It’s been two and a half years since it happened. Sometimes when I tell people they say I should press charges, but I have yet to and highly doubt I ever will. There’s no point in dragging myself or family through the ringer when there’s little possibility of success.

    I was 16 then, 19 now, and thankfully much of the naïveté I had then has passed. I’m married now and very soon will have our first baby, so it should be a happy time. The memory of you lurking around mars it though, leaving a murky haze over an otherwise happy time.

    As much as you may deny it, you ARE a rapist. You probably don’t even know that my family knows (well, unless some certain people ran their big mouths). That, and your targets are young women or even underage girls who are hurting and weak. You find those that are so lonely and needy that they will cling to you despite all your abuses. You belittle them, don’t pay attention to them, flirt with other girls, and refuse to spend proper time with them, yet they stick around.

    It was six months before I told anyone what you did. Some part of me was ashamed (after all, my brother DID warn me that you were the type of guy that hurt girls), and I didn’t want to add my personal problems to the list of other things the family was dealing with. Being a stupid 16 year old, I believed I could forgive you and work things out. Obviously that never happened though.

    Now we live in the same town too. I walked a little ways to visit people a few times and will no longer do it, because one day as I was walking you drove past me twice. I don’t know if you saw me or recognized me, but it scared me. I was scared of what could have happened, what harm you could have inflicted on me and my yet-unborn baby, if you found me out walking alone and decided to come after me.

    I feel so dirty whenever I hear your name, whenever I drive past your house, whenever I see you, and whenever I think of you. It sickens me, too, to know that you took away something that belonged to my husband presumably because you felt like I “owed” you because you drove to see me a few times.

    I don’t even care about having you prosecuted. I don’t. It won’t change what happened, so what’s the point? All I want to do is move on with my family. How can I have peace though when I’m afraid to walk in town because you’re mad someone exposed you? How can I have peace when people are running their mouths, including calling me a liar?

    Maybe I never should have told anyone. At least then there would be less reason to worry, less reason for people to butt their nose into my life and offer their two cents when they know nothing.

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    One Response to Sicko

    1. Anon
      July 26, 2014 at 8:54 pm

      I was raped by a family friend when I was 16. I am 35 now, and rarely have any triggers now. It will get better. Do what you have to do to feel safe, and know that when those moments of panic come that they will pass.

      Hang in there, you are not alone.



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