I think it started when I was 12 years of age when a pain hit my chest. I do not know why it happened anymore, it was a long time ago. Growing up wasn’t very easy. My mom was always working and my father was in prison. So I was alone most of the time figuring out what I should do with my day which was usually me playing video games.
While my father was locked up my mother would do everything she could to make ends meet waiting very patiently till his release. I did not want him to return to my home. I would of told my mother but I have always felt she loved her husband more then her children’s safety. I am the oldest. I had to take care of my two young brothers somewhere in the end of my youth and the beginning of pre-teen years. I was the man of the house I guess.
I loved my mother and brothers! I did everything a child could do to help everyone smile. Even during my hardships. It made me feel better to know that I could give just a little bit unconditional kindness. I never wanted anything in return. Truly!
Even though I was dealing with all the abuse growing up I did my best till I was tired. Now I’m fed up. I feel like I can’t function soon. I have a lot of stress because of the environment I was in. I have had suicidal thoughts and feelings but I still choose to keep going. Even with all the women that didn’t understand me or the friends I have lost I still try my best! Even though it’s hard to feel pleasure now I still put my feelings aside and try my best to help others.
Now don’t think I’m trying to be a selfless person. It is okay to be selfish at times as long as you selfishness doesn’t hurts others.
I don’t know why I’m writing this right now. I’m not even great with words. I guess I feel lonely and I figure someone is going to read this.
I get what I’m saying here is just because people have made you feel this way doesn’t mean you have the right to feel selfish about your feelings. It’s best that you go out there and help someone not feel down because It’s better then sitting around all day on a computer or sleeping most of the day.
Thank you for reading if you cared enough to pull through this bullshit.
Hope you have a wonderful life.