This is to no one in particular, but I really just need to get this off my chest.
I’m one of the more fortunate people in this world. I’ve been lucky enough to travel all around the world, grow up in multiple countries, have an amazing family that cares about me, and an education most people would die for.
Here’s the thing though… I’m lonely. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am.
I miss stability.
I would love to live in the same house for more than two years. I would love to have friends that are around in person and not just through facebook because we’re countries apart. I’d like to know what it’s like to be from my own home country.
I had the opportunity of moving to my home country, and living there for the next four years. It would have been the chance to figure out who I am, and where I’m from. I wussed out. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t fit in, or what if I don’t actually like the country I’m from? Then what? I’m a permanent tourist for the rest of my life? Which is great! I love traveling… but I need to know who I am. I can’t figure it out.
The only stable thing in my life are my parents and brother… but as I start university they won’t be around either. Then I’m truly alone.
Everyone always tells me that I’m the most positive and happy person they know, but they don’t see me in the moments that I’m alone. The moments where I have my thoughts to myself. The moments where I start realizing that I have some serious identity crisis issues.