• Hurt

    by  • July 23, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    D,

    Why do you ignore me? I thought we were friends, and when I see you in person I still think we are – but any attempt to talk to you by Facebook or text is ignored, and my pride will only allow me to make so many attempts before giving up. It also won’t allow me to ask in person, because it sounds self-centered and presumptuous and silly. You turn down every invitation I give you to come and join some group activity, yet when we’re in a group together we always gravitate towards each other and have wonderful conversations. You very deliberately chose to come sit down by me on Sunday night, even though you were closer to all the empty seats on the other end of the table once you’d gotten your food. But then I try to message you tonight, and I get nothing, even though you’ve been online all day.

    Do you know? Do you suspect? I would never do anything to hurt him, especially since he’s said he trusts both of us, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love to just be around you and talk to you. Would you really deprive me of that, when you know I’d never take it any further? Or is it because you do want to take it further and refuse to put yourself too much in the way of temptation? Because I can respect that, although it hurts a lot and I refuse to believe your self-control is so poor that you wouldn’t be able to withstand simple friendship.

    I miss you. I miss talking to you about silly, stupid things, and I hate that I have to wait until I happen to see you to get to talk to you at all. I’m greedy, maybe, but I want proper friendship, not this intense acquaintanceship that flares up at meetings but dies between. And as much as I keep telling myself I don’t want to push things because of how much it would hurt him, part of me wishes you’d let yourself be tempted even a little.

    -L

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