• inebriated confessions

    by  • July 19, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    You have been with me for three years. Three years that have been mostly lovely….mostly. We have had a lot of ups and downs…maybe that is only me? I don’t know because you don’t really express how you feel..other than you love me….I hate feeling like I am the only who has issues….I know I am not perfect, so I wish you would share what bothers you so I could better myself and our relationship….

    Yet at the same time…we have been together three years and we still have the same problems. You choose porn over me. Porn is your girlfriend, and I am just your best friend you sometimes have sex with. Granted, you look at it less…or so you say…so I think…

    But ever since I caught you last year…when you thought I was sleeping…it hasn’t been the same.

    Actually it started before that…it started when we first lived together and you stopped wanting to make love to me….because you were watching it too much…I naively thought the problem was me…I thought I wasn’t good enough. I still feel like I am not good enough

    And now, two years later it is still something that pulls my heart into my stomach and I don’t know what to do.

    I don’t know what to do at all

    Especially because of him,the one before you, my first love, he is my in my life again….we are friends…

    And I think of him often. I think of how he would listen, how he still does listen, how we can talk for hours so effortlessly, and how you and me don’t have that bond…

    I know you are not supposed to compare relationships…but how do I stop? how do I not compare you to him?

    More than seven years of my life were dedicated to him. For seven years I thought he was the one….he was my first…he was the one who taught me to love, taught me who I am, the one who helped me through loss…the loss of a child, the loss of family members the loss of friends….and so much more.

    So tell me how do I let all of that go? How do I let myself love you fully? Is that possible?

    I know I love you both, each for different reasons….but I am at a loss, a complete loss.

    What should I do? Am I just settling? What path should I take?

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