• Conflicted

    by  • July 19, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 4 Comments

    You really have my feelings conflicting right now. Although I am usually good at reading other people’s emotions, I just can’t figure you out. You’re always so hot and cold towards me. One minute you are texting me nonstop, with us teasing each other back and forth, then the next minute it seems as if you can’t give me the time of day. You make me feel so used. I feel like you only talk to me when you have nothing else to do. But it’s you, so I’ll take what I can get from you. Me being me, I’m not use to pining after someone like this. It takes a special person for me to act the way I am acting right now, which is like a lovesick puppy. I really hate the way I feel but I can’t help it. I’ve tried and tried to stay away from you, but it was to no avail. All you had to do was say the word and I would come back, running most of the time. For example, there were many times I tried not contacting you to create some distance between us. I would say that almost always lasted only a week or so. As soon as I felt like I could breath again and it got easier and easier to not think about you, you break my resolve with just one text message. Yes, that’s all it ever took. I can’t ignore you when you are reaching out to me, no matter how much I wanted to. It’s you. And I love you. Sometimes I wonder why? We are totally polar opposites, I swear. I usually hate people who are selfish and self centered, and that’s exactly what you are. You are such a selfish person but I seem to have overlooked that because I freaking adore you. What I hate is all your little touches that have made me putty in your hands. Sometimes I wonder if you truly have feelings for me or you just want me around because you know that I would do anything for you. Why must you torture me this way? It’s like you push me away, but not far enough for me to escape, only to pull me right back into your clutches again. I feel like a toy that you like to play with. I guess this is some kind of sick game to you. But it’s a game that I don’t think I could ever win.

    4 Responses to Conflicted

    1. wow
      July 20, 2014 at 5:23 am

      This reminds me so much of my own life, this letter is like I could have written it myself.

    2. @conflicted + @wow
      July 20, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      Same here. Maybe we should start a self-help group.

    3. What do you expect
      July 20, 2014 at 9:17 pm

      From me really? Are you going to leave your wife for me? If so honey say the word. I love you. But there in lies the problem. I want you and that also is a problem because we are both married. I want to leave my shitty husband but you won’t leave your princess. So I try not to get to deep into a huge relationship with you because I will only be disappointed in the end when you stay with her. I want you, I love you and we would have a tremendous amount of fun together but I will not make any more moves to break my own heart when you decide to stay when you know she is not right for you and I am. You let me know what you want to do and I will go with whatever you decide.

    4. just me
      July 21, 2014 at 7:36 am

      Ugh, I know exactly what this is like. I have someone in my life who is like this, though I guess it makes sense in our particular situation. I am certain my feelings much stronger than his so sometimes I wonder if he’s just getting a kick out of having someone like him instead of anything else.

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