• Let’s be honest

    by  • July 17, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Acceptance • 4 Comments

    We can think positively all we want, we both know I’m gonna be alone for a long time. That’s just who I am. Not easily understood, ridiculously high standards, social anxiety. I accept this. Truth is that for the most part I’ve felt completely on my own since I was 14, so at least this isn’t a new sensation for me. I’ve learned how to cope with the loneliness. I just blame myself for everything. The wide gap between what I believe I deserve, and what I actually have must have resulted from a mistake I made…the selfishness I exhibited, the fear I let control me, the words I waited too long to say, etc. Self pity is useless and unproductive. I’d rather be the villain than th victim. So I take responsibility and turn it into self loathing instead. In every way that I am not perfect, I have room for improvement. I can always be more efficient and more productive. It’s this purpose driven focus that helps me to ignore the gaping loneliness I feel inside. To forget the fact that my best friend, the only person I really care about, lives thousands of miles away. To help me wake up in the morning, when I always seem so much happier in my dream life. To defer what I want to the day I can actually have it. Maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be human. I think I would have been more comfortable as a machine.

    4 Responses to Let’s be honest

    1. @author
      July 18, 2014 at 5:53 am

      You sound like a loser/baby. No wonder you’re alone. Nobody cares about your problems. Seriously get a life.

    2. thoughts
      July 18, 2014 at 6:29 am

      Being honest is a lot more attractive than any kind of show. Your standards might be high, but why is that ridiculous? Trying to achieve something more realistic – according to the “normal” standard – might be a lie too. You would always have to live with the uncomfortable thought that you wanted more and did not dare to achieve it. Don’t put yourself in prison and dare to live. Being different does not necessarily mean being bad. Try not to hurt people, everthing else will find its way.

    3. James
      July 18, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      Well, machines don’t have dreams and self-awareness. You obviously have those, underneath that seemingly tough exterior. How old are you now? Your way of thinking and dealing is more common than you think, especially with the society increasingly celebrating superficiality. By saying “I’m this and that”, you’re already labeling and letting those limited perceptions morph yourself into such characteristics. It seems that you’re aware that this isn’t working out for you. Ultimately, you are only confined by the walls you build inside your mind. You mentioned that you can always become more efficient and productive. Life tends to incrementally throw shit at you as the journey goes on, so having people on your side can make it easier for you = invaluable asset. Go and build that team.

    4. Anon
      July 21, 2014 at 11:12 pm

      I love you.

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