• Silent screams

    by  • July 14, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 1 Comment

    I’ve got to write this down somewhere, I’m trying so hard not to put it on you. I don’t want you to be cross or fed up with me.
    I’m just finding all this SO hard, I keep crying for no stupid reason all the time … at work, at home, in the car at some song or other on the radio (well any song really). I miss you SO much, I love you and I want to be with you … but I know that won’t happen, you’re not mine and you never will be.
    I’ve been looking at places to rent for me and the kids … I’ve worked out I could afford it, to live on my own with the kids.
    I think it would be preferable to this, I think it’s how it will end up one way or another … eventually. I am looking at this whole situation without considering you, I know I have to … because you’re ok … and no matter how much I want it I know I will never have a life with you. So I’m going to make it on my own, eventually … and it will be a relief. I just have a lot of crap to work through between now and then 🙁
    And in the meantime … I have to cope with this awful, jealous, searing pain every time I hear about what you are doing and about your life without me in it, struggling not to scream at you how much it hurts me … I have to learn to just scream silently instead 🙁 xxx

    One Response to Silent screams

    1. M
      July 14, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      Or maybe the one you’re talking about loves you so much that they do the same thing. Burst into tears randomly, wonder how they can live without you, and only try their hardest to do so with a giant hole in their heart because they lost the one they loved so much. Maybe all they’re waiting for is for you to come back and know how much better things could be this time. Because no matter what they still love you.

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