• Naivety

    by  • July 13, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    I’ve made lots of mistakes. Maybe that’s why I left. I needed a new start. Everything felt wrong. But you were there, trying to make the best of things. When I left for my new start, I left you behind too. No matter where I go, my past follows. I knew coming back was a poor decision. I knew I’d be thinking about you for months. But I’m naive, just as I am and just as I’ll always be.

    I was naive into thinking that things would never catch up to me. I could live my happy new life for the price of breaking your heart. My feelings for you, I had left them here with you. I’m back in this little town and you and everything I felt knocked right on my door. I came outside, you picked me up and spun me around, just like before. You said right in my ear, “Wow, I missed you, Ang.” Ang… No one called me that. The way you say it just sinks to the bottom of my ribcage.

    I love that we can pick up just where we left off. Recalling old memories bring back old emotions. Little by little it would creep. To be fair, I set myself up. The sweetness of it all just lusted its way through the wrongness. “Remember when we binge watched the office? Jim and Pam, man…” Yes, love, I remember. I don’t remember much about the show but I remember soft touches on the couch, laughing uncontrollably with you, kisses that were so electric.

    Yes, I was drunk. Yes, you were stoned. Isn’t that how it happened before? I thought we would never become anything, I never gave you a chance. And that night, we touched each other for the first time and nothing was the same after that. This was almost the same. Temptation set in. You felt familiar and new all at the same time. You hit me hard. You left bruises. Those loving cuts and burns. We stumbled over each other. I fell and I’m still trying to regain my consciousness. You hopped up, laughed, and kept on your way.

    You met my son. I met your girlfriend. She is such a sweet girl. I’m so glad you’re happy. I’m wounded but I’ll go back to my new life in a few days. We will talk but it won’t be as often. The jump in my heart will fade when I see your name on my phone. My stomach won’t flip when you call me Ang. I’ll go home to my loving husband who showed me a whole new world to explore, opened my eyes to so many things, created this fairy tale life for me. Things are beautiful but there will always be the bittersweetness of home and you. You will exist in my dreams, I will wake up and smile and think of you. The connection we share. It takes my breath away.

    Leave a Reply