• To The College Boy

    by  • July 11, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    I’ll never understand why I let myself be hurt by you. I blame myself for being so broken. I shouldn’t have let myself fall in love with you. What hurts the most is that you let me believe for an entire year of my life that you cared about me… and you don’t and never did.
    I remember telling my mom about you and that you were going into college and she told me to stay away because college boys only wanted one “thing”… it makes me furious that I gave you that thing, even though it was your first and wasn’t mine. I also remember that first time you met my mom, and how you were the first boy that ever met my mom. It was a big deal for me and I hate how you could never understand that. I didn’t just let you into my life, I let you into my families.
    Even though we were always on and off… you always found a way to creep back into my life, making me think you cared. I still don’t know why you would do that when you never cared. Why didn’t you let me move on when it would have been easier? Did you want to see me like this? Getting worse day by day, thinking about you every time I don’t have something to distract myself with? You really messed me up.
    I have the same words on repeat in my mind. The night you stopped me from leaving your car, with tears pouring down my face you said, “Wait, I need to say something I should have said awhile ago… I love you.” Those three words made my heart stop, and I hate how I said four words back, “I love you too”. I mainly hate you for telling me you loved me because you only said it because I had told you I was starting to like someone else. You didn’t want to see me happy and you never did.
    So college boy, I hate you. But even though I hate you, I hope you’re happy. I hope you find a girl in college that makes you happy and laugh, and I hope when you’re sad about her and cry that she’s worth it. Even though you broke my heart, I don’t think you deserve to feel how I feel right now, so just remember to love someone who loves you back to be safe.
    I’ll always love you even though I hate you at the same time.
    -The girl in high school that you had fooled
    P.S: you are terrible in bed and I feel bad for all the one night stands you’ll have in college, just a disappointment really. Figure out how to last more than 30 seconds.

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